Possible resources for essays and other application material

T

ThinkingMans

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Jun 2, 2024
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Hello,

What are some good resources I can use to evaluate my essays and other application materials I may be sending in to either the academy or members of Congress?

Thanks.
 
Your parents, and if willing your English teacher, can provide feedback regarding grammar, prose, etc. This can be very helpful, having another set of eyes to glance over your work to check for blind spots. Following that analogy, remember that you are in the driver seat.
 
Kierkegaard said:
Your parents, and if willing your English teacher, can provide feedback regarding grammar, prose, etc. This can be very helpful, having another set of eyes to glance over your work to check for blind spots. Following that analogy, remember that you are in the driver seat.
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I've generally had no issues writing normal application essays. I've submitted to multiple writing competitions and my English teacher even used my essays as examples during college essay units. The problem comes from whether or not there's any significant difference between normal application essay writing and service academy/nomination essay writing. But thanks for the reply, and I'll keep that in mind.
 
The essay isn’t meant to be a masterpiece for all times. It’s meant to ‘get to know who you are’. What motivates you? What makes you, YOU??

Don’t overthink it or get hung up on creating a masterpiece. Answer the question as only YOU can.

There isn’t a secret to the essay. Really there isn’t. It need to be constructed well, with proper grammar and punctuation. That’s true. And an English teacher can evaluate that quite well.

Someone who knows you will be able to pinpoint if you are effectively conveying your own self. @Kierkegaard is spot on with their rec’s.

Write it. Tweet it. Mull over but. Tweak it again. Have it proofread. Make adjustments and submit. Don’t overthink this.

Good luck in your application journey!
 
Adding to great advice from @Kierkegaard and @justdoit19:

The reason the "friends and family test" works so well is because they know you so well. They know your motives and dreams, they know your genuine voice, they know what's true to you.

So have them read your statement. Even better, read it out loud to them. If their "BS meter" starts going off, you have a problem.

The best statements authentically reflect the candidate's mind and voice. The worst ones uncannily reflect AI's idea of a good statement. Admissions doesn't care for the latter, and I'm guessing they can smell it from a mile away.
 
Seems like you asking the same question as a prior post. Not sure what else you are asking.

Essay Style and Narration (Application-related)

I'm currently applying to the US Naval Academy, and I've drafted some essays for both nomination and for the personal statement. My question primarily pertains to the style of the information presented in the essay. Should the essay be written directly and clearly, with the purpose to convey as...
www.serviceacademyforums.com
 
time2 said:
Seems like you asking the same question as a prior post. Not sure what else you are asking.

Essay Style and Narration (Application-related)

I'm currently applying to the US Naval Academy, and I've drafted some essays for both nomination and for the personal statement. My question primarily pertains to the style of the information presented in the essay. Should the essay be written directly and clearly, with the purpose to convey as...
www.serviceacademyforums.com
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Oh goodness. You already have two pages of awesome advice, from some heavy hitters on the forum. Worth gold.

You are overthinking this.
 
There are two sides of this coin. First, it is absolutely helpful to have someone else read your essay. I echo having an English teacher (or any teacher of a class that involves writing) do it b/c it's easier for a "neutral" person to make comments than a parent or other relative. That person should proof for proper grammar, spelling, etc. as well as see whether the essay reads well.

The above said, it is YOUR essay. I've read several that sound suspiciously as if an adults (parents) wrote them. I've said this before . . . 17-year-olds approach the world differently and express themselves differently than someone the age of their parents. You can't explain it, but know it when you read it. Do NOT have your parents or other adult essentially rewrite your essay.

Second, stick to your guns. I wrote an essay for law school about a particular subject. It was not a classic essay in that it had lots of phrases vs. full sentences. My former English teacher whom I asked to proof it suggested I make it more of a traditional essay with complete sentences. I made some adjustments but was happy with the format I'd chosen b/c it was how I personally thought about that topic. I was later told by the Dean of Admissions that it was the most memorable (in a good way) essay his team had ever read. To be fair, it was the topic . . . but the way in which I wrote it made it stand out over a "traditional" essay.

Get advice (and get it proofed!!!) but, in the end, go with what you think is best.

One other thing -- lots of us post not just for the OP of a thread but for others who may lurk on these boards.
 
You will find dozens of posts and threads on this topic, and the advice is fairly consistent here. Let me sum up The Usual:

- ATFQ. Answer the full question directly and clearly. That’s the mission.
- You don’t need to work in extensively what USNA (or USMA or …) can do for you. They already know this. This comes across as filler, stuff people write that they think the SA wants to see.
- Watch out for hyperbole. My favorite is usually some version of “All my life I wanted to be a fighter pilot…” - always brings to mind a rather odd toddler. Better: “At age 6, I saw/met/realized/got my first impression…”
- Tell the story about you only you can tell, as if you were in a conversation with someone who had just asked you the question. Be YOU.
- Know your “why” and be able to convey it succinctly.
- Be aware of your tone. I always like to suggest reading it aloud to a close-age sibling or good friend. If they start howling with laughter, you’ll know the tone is over the top. Be humble but appropriately confident.
- Don’t say anything you haven’t researched thoroughly on the SA website as to its existence and possibility out of the SA. I recall one poster here noted their dream was to be an X after graduation; X was an enlisted specialty never mentioned as an officer career path on the USNA website.
- Flawless spelling, grammar, etc. Well-organized with a good flow from beginning through middle and end. Strong and simple finish. If a 5-cent word does the job just as well as the 25-cent word, use it.
- Let it rest a day or so between editing sessions, so you have fresh eyes. You can only polish a cannonball so many times before you let it fly.
- Follow all directions precisely for word/character count, etc.
- This does not have to be a literary masterpiece, but it should leave the reader feeling they have heard your voice and seen a little bit of you, clearly and uniquely expressed. ATFQ - test every word for how it contributes to the mission.
 
You've already turned in all the grades, scores, numbers, so the Admissions people know what you can do. When you get to essays and interviews they need to know about the person behind those numbers. This is your opportunity to show off who you are, and chances are good that you are not an over-edited, sophisticated treatise on the importance of defending liberty and/or expanding opportunities for all the American People just as our forefathers have done for generations etc ad nausaum. You need to present yourself as the great person your friends, family, co-workers and classmates know and respect. Pick things that'll illuminate who you are, what would make you a good officer, or why you'd be likely to succeed in the program, or share some of the experiences that have formed you. Someone once said that even if your name wasn't at the top of the page the folks that know you should be able to tell who wrote it. The voice you use is a big part of sharing yourself, so don't over-polish.
 
StPaulDad said:
You've already turned in all the grades, scores, numbers, so the Admissions people know what you can do. When you get to essays and interviews they need to know about the person behind those numbers. This is your opportunity to show off who you are, and chances are good that you are not an over-edited, sophisticated treatise on the importance of defending liberty and/or expanding opportunities for all the American People just as our forefathers have done for generations etc ad nausaum. You need to present yourself as the great person your friends, family, co-workers and classmates know and respect. Pick things that'll illuminate who you are, what would make you a good officer, or why you'd be likely to succeed in the program, or share some of the experiences that have formed you. Someone once said that even if your name wasn't at the top of the page the folks that know you should be able to tell who wrote it. The voice you use is a big part of sharing yourself, so don't over-polish.
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“Polishing the cannonball” is a bit of military humor rooted in irony I used in my response, given the cannonball’s mission and likely end, and I appreciate your emphasis on over-polishing as well.

You also made me LOL when I read “defending liberty treatise….” Thank you for that. That sentiment can be said in a personal, conversational way.
 
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Already some great advice

They already have your resumé, grades, scores, etc, the essay is a good chance for you to show the admissions committee about how you’re different from the rest of the applicants. Make them interested in YOU!
 
Ivy22 said:
the essay is a good chance for you to show the admissions committee about how you’re different from the rest of the applicants. Make them interested in YOU!
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That is the normal advice for just about all college essays.
This is different. As I've related in the prior thread that this poster started, I am actually "the customer" for some of these. In particular, the nomination essays/answers. I and my peers who read these as part of our nomination review/interview process are trying to understand the candidate's motivation and mindset. Them being the most unique kid in Podunk USA does not move the needle for me AT ALL and I believe that it does not move it for the actual admissions staff at the Service Academies. The panels that I sit and have sat in the past for a variety of entities all work with a form of score sheet where we read what is in the record, interview to gain additional info and ask questions and then assign a score. Later the scores are tabulated and compared. A memory of "that candidate" who is unique is just not a part of it as it is for the University where I teach and many others.
 
Echoing OldRetSWO. USNA Admissions has said they aren't looking for anything unique. They've asked the same questions for years. They are looking for an answer to the question and to see whether you can write effectively. Don't overthink this.
 
justdoit19 said:
Oh goodness. You already have two pages of awesome advice, from some heavy hitters on the forum. Worth gold.

You are overthinking this.
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Yeah, now that I think about it, I should probably just do some minor polishing and turn in what I have. I just feel like I shouldn't have any weak spots on a resume I feel might be a little lacking in the leadership department. Thanks for everybody's responses, I wish you all well.
 
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