Essay Style and Narration (Application-related)

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ThinkingMans

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I'm currently applying to the US Naval Academy, and I've drafted some essays for both nomination and for the personal statement. My question primarily pertains to the style of the information presented in the essay. Should the essay be written directly and clearly, with the purpose to convey as much information in a short a space as possible as clearly as possible, or should more creative methods of narration be applied to personal experiences and examples of leadership?

E.g. using a story to describe what you believe are the most important attributes in a military officer, or a more expressive style of writing to describe a personal experience.
 
It should be about your personal experiences that relate to the essay question. Tell your unique story. Give examples. Remember the SA knows your GPA, SAT and other information. The essay is an opportunity to give your SA Admissions rep. a sense of your unique story. You might talk about how one or two experiences in Scouts, Sports or other helped shape your leadership journey (i.e. what you learned). It could be about a home disadvantage and your role in that (i.e. sibling with a major disability, parent with a major medical issue). Tell your unique story. Get others to review it. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece ... it does need to answer the question asked.
 
All of the above. ^^

ATFQ. Answer the full question.

Think of it as a conversation, where you are responding thoughtfully to a question with personal opinions and insights. It’s not a literary piece that will be published; avoid hyperbole and overly embellished writing. It should sound like you if you read it aloud. If you read it aloud to a close friend or near-age sibling and they laugh, you’ll know the tone is over the top. Don’t write what you think the SA or nom review panel wants to hear, with flags waving, Don’t parrot back to them what they already know or do. They yawn their way through enough of those.

What is the prompt? Not clear from what you wrote above.

What should shine through is your “why” - why do you think the way you do as you came up with your answers to the prompt. What informed that decision - a personal experience, someone influential in your life. How did you arrive at this point. Really think about that. You have a unique story to tell. Tell it clearly and impactfully so YOU are seen and an impression formed - a positive, affirming one - of a person who has approached a big life decision in an intentional way.
 
USNA is not looking for something "unique" the way the civilian colleges often do with their essays. MANY years ago when I was applying, a college said to "write in your own hand" the answer to the question. One of my h.s. classmates drew an outline of her hand on the paper and wrote the essay within it. She got in. Go figure.

USNA doesn't want that type of creativity. They're not looking for poems or creative writing. They want to see that you can write a coherent series of paragraphs, expressing a thought clearly and using proper spelling, grammar, etc.

Some people have really unique stories. Most 17-year-olds don't. Don't worry so much about finding something unique to write about as writing effectively about whatever you choose.

Finally, make sure YOU write it, not your parents or some other older adult. It's fine for an adult to review it (they should). The words and sentiments should be yours. As someone who has reviewed a lot of essays, I can tell you there is a difference in the way that a 17-year-old views the world and expresses themself and the way a 45-year-old does. IOW, it's obvious when adult wrote it.
 
Capt MJ said:
All of the above. ^^

ATFQ. Answer the full question.

Think of it as a conversation, where you are responding thoughtfully to a question with personal opinions and insights. It’s not a literary piece that will be published; avoid hyperbole and overly embellished writing. It should sound like you if you read it aloud. If you read it aloud to a close friend or near-age sibling and they laugh, you’ll know the tone is over the top. Don’t write what you think the SA or nom review panel wants to hear, with flags waving, Don’t parrot back to them what they already know or do. They yawn their way through enough of those.

What is the prompt? Not clear from what you wrote above.

What should shine through is your “why” - why do you think the way you do as you came up with your answers to the prompt. What informed that decision - a personal experience, someone influential in your life. How did you arrive at this point. Really think about that. You have a unique story to tell. Tell it clearly and impactfully so YOU are seen and an impression formed - a positive, affirming one - of a person who has approached a big life decision in an intentional way.
Click to expand...
Capt MJ - I'm glad you spelled out ATFQ. I had another understanding! ;)
 
Capt MJ said:
All of the above. ^^

ATFQ. Answer the full question.

Think of it as a conversation, where you are responding thoughtfully to a question with personal opinions and insights. It’s not a literary piece that will be published; avoid hyperbole and overly embellished writing. It should sound like you if you read it aloud. If you read it aloud to a close friend or near-age sibling and they laugh, you’ll know the tone is over the top. Don’t write what you think the SA or nom review panel wants to hear, with flags waving, Don’t parrot back to them what they already know or do. They yawn their way through enough of those.

What is the prompt? Not clear from what you wrote above.

What should shine through is your “why” - why do you think the way you do as you came up with your answers to the prompt. What informed that decision - a personal experience, someone influential in your life. How did you arrive at this point. Really think about that. You have a unique story to tell. Tell it clearly and impactfully so YOU are seen and an impression formed - a positive, affirming one - of a person who has approached a big life decision in an intentional way.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the reply.

A lot of what I write has a narrative or conversational tone to it, like I'm telling a story to someone. Is this viewed unfavorably or should I simply write in the way that feels most authentic? I wouldn't consider it overly humorous or lighthearted, but perhaps somewhat casual. Of course, vulgar language will not be included in the essay. I've written similar essays in the past, and I generally know how to address the questions asked thoroughly and fully, I simply have some issues regarding what kind of a writing style I should use.
 
ThinkingMans said:
Thanks for the reply.

A lot of what I write has a narrative or conversational tone to it, like I'm telling a story to someone. Is this viewed unfavorably or should I simply write in the way that feels most authentic? I wouldn't consider it overly humorous or lighthearted, but perhaps somewhat casual. Of course, vulgar language will not be included in the essay. I've written similar essays in the past, and I generally know how to address the questions asked thoroughly and fully, I simply have some issues regarding what kind of a writing style I should use.
Click to expand...
Be true to yourself but don’t get too cute or literary. Do not overthink this.
 
Try this: If you were sitting across the table from the admissions committee, how would you orally answer their question? Whatever tone, language and style you'd apply in that setting, apply it to your written statement. If the question is, "Should I be conversational or authentic," the answer is, "Yes." Be conversational and authentic, in a way that's respectful of the context and intention.
 
I don't think any of the various BGO training I have gone through has ever addressed this so its really just my opinion, but I always tell people to think about who your audience is, the Admissions Board is composed of Senior military officers and faculty. This is a far different audience than you application to other Ivy schools. As a general rule, senior military officers like to see clear, concise, to the point writing. Don't simply reuse the flowery prose essay that you used for your Berkely essay.
 
With regards to the Nomination Essay, I (and some others here) are actually your (the candidate's) audience.
Every MOC is free to run their selections in their own way but all that I've supported have folks like me review
the packet and then interview the applicant. The total review time is pretty short so my advice to you is
GET YOUR POINT ACROSS and don't be long winded or light hearted. If its too verbose or the message is
buried, I might miss it.
 
And don’t make jokes or do any sort of trash talk comment tearing down another service, even if you think you are joking. You will likely have a mixed panel, and you haven’t earned the right to do that.
 
Old Navy BGO said:
I don't think any of the various BGO training I have gone through has ever addressed this so its really just my opinion, but I always tell people to think about who your audience is, the Admissions Board is composed of Senior military officers and faculty. This is a far different audience than you application to other Ivy schools. As a general rule, senior military officers like to see clear, concise, to the point writing. Don't simply reuse the flowery prose essay that you used for your Berkely essay.
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A bit of a different perspective for folks to consider...

My oldest went through the UK college application process. It is very different than what we see here in the US. There you apply to both a school and a course of study (major). As a result, the personal statement that is expected from the applicants is very different from the US common app prompts/supplements. They expect you to focus on why you are a good fit for the school and the program and how your background demonstrates that.

I found my son's UCAS essay to be much stronger than his common app essay and I think it is really more applicable to the USNA application/nomination process.

Here's a link to a website that describes the UCAS personal statement parameters/expectations. Spend some time writing a statement in this style and see how you like it.

www.ucas.com

How To Write Your Undergraduate Personal Statement

Stand out from the crowd by showcasing who you are and what you can bring to a university as you begin your undergraduate journey.
www.ucas.com www.ucas.com
 
OldRetSWO said:
With regards to the Nomination Essay, I (and some others here) are actually your (the candidate's) audience.
Every MOC is free to run their selections in their own way but all that I've supported have folks like me review
the packet and then interview the applicant. The total review time is pretty short so my advice to you is
GET YOUR POINT ACROSS and don't be long winded or light hearted. If its too verbose or the message is
buried, I might miss it.
Click to expand...
For a nomination essay prompt, I had to answer a question regarding the traits a military officer should have. I ended up writing about a military officer that I thought embodied these traits well and the actions he took and the success he had because of these traits. Would this be considered overly flowery or verbose, or would it depend on how clear I made the traits in how the contributed to his success?

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciated your insight.
 
ThinkingMans said:
For a nomination essay prompt, I had to answer a question regarding the traits a military officer should have. I ended up writing about a military officer that I thought embodied these traits well and the actions he took and the success he had because of these traits. Would this be considered overly flowery or verbose, or would it depend on how clear I made the traits in how the contributed to his success?

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciated your insight.
Click to expand...
Remember that I said "Get the Point Across"?

If the prompt was regarding the traits a military officer should have, my take is that listing them and then perhaps discussing the traits and how you have them would be a good way to approach it.
Telling me about SOMEONE ELSE and how they embodied the traits doesn't really connect YOUR PERSONAL qualities to those you are saying are important.
 
Dr. Strange Love said:
.
So I guess recurring motifs and historical allegories are out?
.
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In the couple of minutes that I have to spend on this portion of my review, elaborate doggerel will just be skimmed and ignored.

I teach in the Humanities Dept of a University and am all too familiar with dense/academia style writing.
Even as a lifelong reader, I do not it and much prefer more direct messaging, especially for writing of this nature.

Fancy admissions essays may be the best thing since sliced bread for an Ivy or other elite school's admissions department but
in my view they are not helpful in responses to Nomination prompts.
 
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OldRetSWO said:
In the couple of minutes that I have to spend on this portion of my review, elaborate doggerel will just be skimmed and ignored.

I teach in the Humanities Dept of a University and am all too familiar with dense/academia style writing.
Even as a lifelong reader, I do not it and much prefer more direct messaging, especially for writing of this nature.

Fancy admissions essays may be the best thing since sliced bread for an Ivy or other elite school's admissions department but
in my view they are not helpful in responses to Nomination prompts.
Click to expand...
.
@OldRetSWO, I agree with you …. I was more interested in seeing if you would take the bait 👀

Segue moment …. Heller’s “Catch 22” is full of motifs, and Marquez’s “100 Years of Solitude” uses historical/biblical allegories very well …
.
 
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