Recruiter just won't stop zero-ing in on my kid...

A1Janitor

Member
It sounds like borderline creepy stalking behavior, and I would recommend making it clear to that person that the behavior needs to stop.
I just disagree with this. I do not think OP or her DD insinuates this at all. If I am wrong, OP can correct me.

He is doing his job. And sees an excellent person to enlist. She should stand up and speak her mind respectfully to stop him. I don’t think his intent is bad and suspect he would change immediately.

I hope I am not wrong.
 

Soldiergriz

Husband, Dad, Soldier
I would personally be raising the question of why a recruiter is at meetings so frequently anyways, especially in the capacity of a recruiter. He should either come, make his pitch, and then be gone for another recruiter to come make their pitch or the club to get involved in something else, or he should be there as nothing more than a mentor. If him coming is purely just to recruit kids and put them through the recruiting process, he has an office for that...
Recruiters are required to go where the potential recruits are....they are at high schools, colleges, sporting events etc. They don't sit in their offices waiting for people to walk thru the doors.
 

Soldiergriz

Husband, Dad, Soldier
I just disagree with this. I do not think OP or her DD insinuates this at all. If I am wrong, OP can correct me.

He is doing his job. And sees an excellent person to enlist. She should stand up and speak her mind respectfully to stop him. I don’t think his intent is bad and suspect he would change immediately.

I hope I am not wrong.
I doubt you are.
 

Soldiergriz

Husband, Dad, Soldier
It sounds like borderline creepy stalking behavior, and I would recommend making it clear to that person that the behavior needs to stop.
Stalking?

He is doing his job. The potential recruit simply needs to look the recruiter in the eye, and tell him her plans are her plans. Period.
 

Impulsive

Member
I know I am probably in the minority here, but if it was a CG Recruiter, maybe talking to them about the CG, the Academy, and other options would be a good idea. NO ACADEMY APPOINTMENTS ARE GUARANTEED, keep her options open. CG enlisted perform most L/E operations, operated all small boats and can be command and executive officer qualified. And the CG offers CWO positions to enlisted personnel qualified and possible subsequent promotion to O-3 and beyond. Remember only about 300 people are appointed every year, OCS and enlisted to Warrant are good options and offer really good responsibility and advancement, especially if she is technically adept. Plus the recruited can offer insight to the Academy and offer guaranteed training if qualified, but they can be a source of really good info and contacts.
 

snowieWI3

Member
I just disagree with this. I do not think OP or her DD insinuates this at all. If I am wrong, OP can correct me.

He is doing his job. And sees an excellent person to enlist. She should stand up and speak her mind respectfully to stop him. I don’t think his intent is bad and suspect he would change immediately.

I hope I am not wrong.
No, nothing mentioned about anything questionable - it's just tiring. I know he has a job to do...I get it. My kid is just suddenly adjusting to having defend herself and her intended decisions lately and I don't think she's comfortable with it yet. When people ask what her future goals are and she tells them, she rarely gets a "wow...good for you" she mainly gets things like:

"Coast Guard? Why them?"
"An academy? Why not just enlist - you can always go to school later if you want"
"Why not the Naval Academy? That's better"
"Do you know how hard it is to get into an Academy? Just go to a regular college"
"Females have a harder time in the military....just warning you"

So I think her interactions with this one recruiter now is just wearing her down...that's all. I think she's just looking for a little support or back-up...or just leaving her alone. I will continue to encourage her to swat down the fly and just respectfully say "I'm a no...so please stop asking".
 

kinnem

Moderator
5-Year Member
It might be a good idea for her to write out answers to those questions and practice giving them. If she can get down a canned spiel it will be easier for her. Plus her intelligence, wit, and preparedness might be a nice way to "put them in their place".

I certainly understand how it all drives her a bit nuts. There's at least one old thread on here about folks saying "Why go to an academy or the military". It was probably on one of the academy threads but I'm not sure. There were some pretty good responses to these questions in some of those posts. That might be a worthwhile read if you can find it. I'll try to look some more myself in the morning.... or some bright willing participant might do it in the meantime. It was a great thread.
 

justdoit19

Member
No, nothing mentioned about anything questionable - it's just tiring. I know he has a job to do...I get it. My kid is just suddenly adjusting to having defend herself and her intended decisions lately and I don't think she's comfortable with it yet. When people ask what her future goals are and she tells them, she rarely gets a "wow...good for you" she mainly gets things like:

"Coast Guard? Why them?"
"An academy? Why not just enlist - you can always go to school later if you want"
"Why not the Naval Academy? That's better"
"Do you know how hard it is to get into an Academy? Just go to a regular college"
"Females have a harder time in the military....just warning you"

So I think her interactions with this one recruiter now is just wearing her down...that's all. I think she's just looking for a little support or back-up...or just leaving her alone. I will continue to encourage her to swat down the fly and just respectfully say "I'm a no...so please stop asking".
Welcome to the world of ‘explaining’ a SA appointment pursuit! The responses she (you) are receiving are nothing new. They are the norm. If it’s tiring or bothersome, come up with a response now, because those responses wont stop. Alternately, use it as a opportunity to educate people who don’t know about SA’s and their opportunities. I’ve read lots of threads about ‘how to respond’. People (even enlisted recruiters) just don’t get it. Understandably.

I think you asked if it’s the ‘norm’ for recruiters to recruit. I believe the answer is yes. It’s your DD’s responsibility to speak for herself. That will intensify as she continues into adulthood..... this is good training for her whether she attends a SA or not. If she is an officer, she will need a BIG and confident voice for that command.

Something to keep in mind is that you are her safe place to vent. You are getting her story. Her perspective. All the stuff annoying her. Maybe the reality is not as it seems when you are receiving her summary of her day...all the ‘bad’. Hope this is the case and it settles down for her.

Adding: I’m probably thinking of the same discussion as Kinnem. I am an awful thread searcher, couldn’t find it. But yes it was a good discussion of great responses!
 
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Capt MJ

10-Year Member
No, nothing mentioned about anything questionable - it's just tiring. I know he has a job to do...I get it. My kid is just suddenly adjusting to having defend herself and her intended decisions lately and I don't think she's comfortable with it yet. When people ask what her future goals are and she tells them, she rarely gets a "wow...good for you" she mainly gets things like:

"Coast Guard? Why them?"
"An academy? Why not just enlist - you can always go to school later if you want"
"Why not the Naval Academy? That's better"
"Do you know how hard it is to get into an Academy? Just go to a regular college"
"Females have a harder time in the military....just warning you"

So I think her interactions with this one recruiter now is just wearing her down...that's all. I think she's just looking for a little support or back-up...or just leaving her alone. I will continue to encourage her to swat down the fly and just respectfully say "I'm a no...so please stop asking".
It’s the justly-famed “Your Son or Daughter Goes Where?” thread. Time to dust it off. Feel free to add in your own contribution!

It’s astonishing what people will say.

Your son/daughter goes where???
 
Coming from a career recruiter. Of all the high school kids that we talked to that wanted the military I would say close to 80% all wanted to be an officer or go to one of the Academies. Of the 80% only a small percent would have the qualifications to apply, with an even smaller amount having a competitive profile. A recruiter should have the academies requirements and the competitive profile information available to show applicants (especially a sophomore) what is really required/needed to be competitive (Test scores, Classes needed , GPA) and the reality of this surprises and scares a lot of people. If the applicant had the qualifications to apply we were happy to get them in contact with the admission officer or point them in the right direction to apply as well as showing them a plan B option to think about if the academy one doesn't work out. I am surprised that the recruiter is being so persistent with a sophomore who they cannot enlist they cannot even count them in the daily numbers as we call them, seems they would be wanting to concentrate on people that they could enlist now.
 

ekb1398

Member
Recruiters are required to go where the potential recruits are....they are at high schools, colleges, sporting events etc. They don't sit in their offices waiting for people to walk thru the doors.
Even more reason why their time would probably be used in better ways than hitting up the same 12 kids week after week
 

Mr2020

U.S. Merchant Marine Academy '19
I would quit the club, report the recruiter to the school administration and his chain of command. Go to the local news and tell them your daughter is being harassed by a military recruiter, might make for a good story.
 

sanman

Member
I would quit the club, report the recruiter to the school administration and his chain of command. Go to the local news and tell them your daughter is being harassed by a military recruiter, might make for a good story.
I think that is probably the worse advice I have read. The recruiter is doing his job, he will not be aware that his persistence is impacting the OPs DD the way it is. As others have advised the best way to deal with this is for the OPs daughter to simply tell the recruiter "Thank you for your confidence in me but I am determined to go into the service via the Academy. Therefore I would appreciate if you could stop raising this with me until I have exhausted that route. If I wish to discuss enlisting at a future date I will discuss with you" or words to that effect.
 

Soldiergriz

Husband, Dad, Soldier
Even more reason why their time would probably be used in better ways than hitting up the same 12 kids week after week
They talk to dozens and hundreds of kids week after week. The 12 you are referring to are not special.

It is a venue they attend for obvious reasons. Kids showing interest in serving. If I were in recruiting command, I would ensure they are there...week after week talking to those 12.
 

snowieWI3

Member
I would quit the club, report the recruiter to the school administration and his chain of command. Go to the local news and tell them your daughter is being harassed by a military recruiter, might make for a good story.
Holy crow - I hope you're kidding because this situation is not nearly the issue that your response would warrant. No, she would never. She has too much respect for the school adviser who created the group, she is wanting to have a part next year in being one of the officers and she knows it's a much needed outlet for the small population who are interested in military to join together and she likes being apart of like minded kids. This is not as big a mountain as some may see - she's just getting her first taste of reality and recruiters...she was introduced something similar when we went to the Service Academy college fair in Sept. and some of the representative parents from other academies swarmed around her like flies to a dead horse firing questions at her. This is a good lesson for her to find her inner strength and start standing up for herself.
 

Wishful

"Land of the free, because of the brave..."
5-Year Member
  1. I like the 'block his number' idea.
  2. The young lady should tell him with an adult school employee present (witness)to stop trying to recruit her. No means No.
  3. I think one would be hard pressed not to realize that by her facial expressions, answers, & body language, she's uncomfortable.
  4. Maybe he thinks he's getting through to her, maybe he likes making her feel that way, maybe he doesn't even notice her reactions, maybe I'm completely wrong...I don't care; it's not about him, it's about the young lady being made to feel uncomfortable by an adult in a school setting where no school employee is present.
  5. That just in itself is a bad optic.
 

Wishful

"Land of the free, because of the brave..."
5-Year Member
@snowieWI3 If the school adviser is always in the room, that's good. Then she should meet with the adviser privately, explain the situation, & request the adviser to be present as a witness when she tells the recruiter she's not interested & he should stop trying to recruit her. Your DD is not weak or a complainer when asking for assistance in dealing with an adult. She is not an adult! There's a major power differential between a female high-schooler and a male adult in a position of authority. He should go pick on someone his own size.
 

CGAprof

New Member
I apologize if this is not USCGA directly related...but we are new to all things military/recruitment, etc.

As some may have read my few previous posts...my daughter is a sophomore and has wanted the USCGA since 8th grade. She is currently an unweighted 3.9 math/science kid, is taking welding (and will graduate HS with a basic welding certificate), loves all things calculus, engineering...especially fixing engines & motorized things...and lives for all things water - (in its liquid and frozen form),boats, fishing, ocean...etc. She is also an accomplished percussionist and hopes to continue drumming (hopefully) for the USCGA in a few years. She has already dragged me to a Service Academy college fair in Sept. She has recently lost 26 lbs, bikes 7 miles back and forth to school 2-3x a week in the below freezing weather/snowy weather we've been having...so she's working on her fitness and taking it crazy serious.

Anyway, to boost her leadership skills as suggested by the USCGA officer she met at the academy fair, she joined the "Future Military Service" club at her high school (her high school does not offer JROTC) and she is an active member. However, she is the ONLY member of about 12 kids that has her sights set on an academy...the rest are going direct enlist in their various branches. At the meetings, there is a local recruiter there which is understandable...but he just won't get off her back about direct enlisting. I have noticed now that after each meeting, she is in a sad, defeated mood and says things like "I doubt I'll get in because I'm just average" or "I have little chance of getting in since I'm not an athlete" and last night was no different - telling me the recruiter keeps encouraging her to take the ASVAB "just in case she doesn't make the cut for admission...since it's so competitive". Now, I'm a pretty low key mom but this is starting to bug me because there's no need for the little chipping away at her confidence. I don't understand why this gentleman won't just support her or at least say nothing. She doesn't want to stop going to the club because she hopes to be voted in as an officer of the club in the spring...but I can tell that this recruiter is getting under her skin & more importantly, in her head. I know my kid and I know that she would never, ever talk back to an adult...but she also struggles with standing up for herself. I encouraged her to talk to her school adviser for the club (retired Air Force) but she is deathly afraid of looking weak & as a complainer - especially since she is the only female. I'm unsure of how to guide her now that this seems to be a constant in her life...and she's now viewing these club meetings as something to endure rather than enjoy.

Is this a common thing for recruiters to do? To keep questioning the feasibility of an Service Academy? Isn't it all for one, one for all?
She sounds like a great candidate for engineering! I would definitely take up the offer already made to put her in touch with a cadet.
 

AJC

5-Year Member
Even more reason why their time would probably be used in better ways than hitting up the same 12 kids week after week
I imagine someone is asking him to submit a call list. I doubt the someone bothers to review all the call lists they get from a their recruiters.
People will produce based on how they are required to report that production. After awhile the reporting becomes the job and the job becomes a way of producing the reports. Kind of like the TPS reports in Office Space, but it is a Coast Guard recruiter.
 
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