Writing Sample/Essay Prompts

America Works said:
For the second essay prompt, I am planning on writing a day in the life of a cadet. I believe it gives me the opportunity to show the admissions board how I would fit in at the AFA. I found really great information on a what a typical day for a cadet looks like. I want my essay to model a real day at the AFA while demonstrating my experiences, perspectives, and talents.
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But you are not a cadet - so how does that help you tell a story about you?
 
America Works said:
af802990 said:
America Works said:
The 1st question I am prepared for. The 2nd question is harder than it looks. Are you planning on using the 3rd essay?
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I am planning to do all three essays.
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Okay. I was wondering how to utilize the third option. It seems like it's provided to help candidates explain shortfalls in their application. However, a candidate could use it as another opportunity to highlight his or her strengths. I am worried that if I use it for the primary reason it will come across as making excuses. If I you use the latter, I could potentially seem over zealous. I read a previous candidates essay to USAFA, and he compared himself to Nixon and then went on to explain why he would be better than him. I don't want to be that person who overreaches and seems "EXTRA".
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The third one is a curveball and I think it can be very powerful. Both of the routes you described are very good, but to me, it's more of a "tell us anything" kind of essay. I don't think they have any specific meaning in there like the other two have.
 
Just finished up the essays for one of our senators. There were six short essays required. After writing up beautiful essays and trying to submit them, four of them were rejected because they exceeded 2000 characters in length. There was nothing anywhere that said there would be a limit of 2000 characters. It is not easy to answer these questions in such short essays, and the rest of the day was spent trying to pare down the essays. For our DS, it it isn't figuring out what to write about, but saying what he wants in very little space that is the challenge.
 
Billberna said:
Just finished up the essays for one of our senators. There were six short essays required. After writing up beautiful essays and trying to submit them, four of them were rejected because they exceeded 2000 characters in length. There was nothing anywhere that said there would be a limit of 2000 characters. It is not easy to answer these questions in such short essays, and the rest of the day was spent trying to pare down the essays. For our DS, it isn't figuring out what to write about, but saying what he wants in very little space that is the challenge.
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I'm glad to hear that your DS has moved along in his application process. I too struggle with getting straight to the point. I've learned that it's best to state things in a simple fashion. Often times, I can rewrite entire sentences filled with several clauses and shorten it down to one statement. Naturally, sometimes I write fluff, unnecessary tidbits [I like to put everything I've learned in my writing]. I think the extra details make my writing juicier, but you can do more with less. I find it helpful to restructure an essay to eliminate "fluffiness". If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
 
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Cerberi said:
But you are not a cadet - so how does that help you tell a story about you?
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I believe the purpose of the second essay prompt is to demonstrate how a candidate would fit in at the AFA. Instead of telling the admission boards about how XYZ experience helps me do ABC at the Academy, I want to go a step further and show them how I would accomplish ABC. In other words, I am using the Cadet perspective as a lens to tell my story. For example, the Wizard of Oz from the Wicked Witch of the West's POV instead of Dorthy's POV changes the audience's perception, yet the plot is the same.

Like I said before, this essay is difficult, but I feel that this angle is my best effort. It may sound odd and untenable, but I assure you, I can make this work. I intend to accurately represent the life of a cadet, so I have done extensive research on the Academy's core curriculum, extracurricular activities, and scheduling policies. At present, I think I have the underpinnings of a great essay.
 
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IMHO:

Essay 1 - (paraphrasing) describe an ethical dilema and that you overcame. I would read as: You have to make tough decisions - what is your process for making that decision - use a real example. If you made a poor one (we all do), what did you learn from it and how are you better for it.

Essay 2 (paraphrasing) what unique attributes are you bringing to USAFA to make it a richer more diverse environment. In 3-4 paragraphs what makes you special - real examples of servant leadership, you grew up in a communist country, you take the time to learn the janitor's name and help clean up after you have taken home all the awards from the awards ceremony.

Essay 3 (optional) - (paraphrasing) - USAFA just asked you 768 questions about what you do, they have asked your math and english instructors about your ability to keep up academically, your guidance counselor has done the same and you might even have letters of recommendations from others, they know your college entrance exams, they see your CFA scores, they know if you are All State, you've passed DoDMERB. They have seen your writing sample and asked about how you deal with ethical dilemmas. (If this package isn't strong - your writing is unlikely to make any difference whatsoever)

What possibly has USAFA missed in obtaining information about you that makes it worth their time to read 3-5 more paragraphs and potentially be late to their daughter's soccer practice. If the answer to this is nothing - then leave it blank (one rule of selling - if you have gotten the client to say 'Yes' - stop talking) Frankly - it could very well be a test to see if you can leave it blank.
 
Cerberi said:
But you are not a cadet - so how does that help you tell a story about you?
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^^^ I agree. NOTHING in those questions is asking your speculate about FUTURE events. These are not trick questions, you need to focus on answering what the questions are asking.
 
I think AmWorks is just saying that he wants to use "a day in the life of a cadet" as a framework for answering the question, and talk about how he sees himself able to thrive in that setting.
 
Billberna said:
Just finished up the essays for one of our senators. There were six short essays required. After writing up beautiful essays and trying to submit them, four of them were rejected because they exceeded 2000 characters in length. There was nothing anywhere that said there would be a limit of 2000 characters. It is not easy to answer these questions in such short essays, and the rest of the day was spent trying to pare down the essays. For our DS, it it isn't figuring out what to write about, but saying what he wants in very little space that is the challenge.
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Don't you think that brevity is a skill? Every step in the application serves a purpose, even if it is just to make your life more difficult to prove how bad you want it. Play their game correctly and you will be rewarded.
 
America Works said:
For the second essay prompt, I am planning on writing a day in the life of a cadet. I believe it gives me the opportunity to show the admissions board how I would fit in at the AFA. I found really great information on a what a typical day for a cadet looks like. I want my essay to model a real day at the AFA while demonstrating my experiences, perspectives, and talents.
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If you found your information off of the "day in a life" section of the Academy, just be aware that it is not particularly accurate. In general sure, but if you're banking your admissions essay on it, maybe not so much. It sounds like you're doing your research, but just make sure you cross-reference and maybe talk to some real cadets. Feel free to PM me if you have specific questions.
 
Wow, that third question is the same as it was 9(?! How has it been that long!) years ago.

I wouldn't create your own topic/tell a random story. That essay is meant to help explain things that may not be clear to the academy. Did you move and have to retake classes? Did you have an injury that affected your athletic activities? Family problems that impacted academics? I think that is what that essay is getting at.
 
Update: I am still working on my writing sample. I spend more time revising my essays than I do on any other part of my application. It is difficult to explain my thoughts, and still meet my word count. I am going to keep revising, and hope that I will eventually reach a pragmatic balance.
 
America Works said:
Update: I am still working on my writing sample. I spend more time revising my essays than I do on any other part of my application. It is difficult to explain my thoughts, and still meet my word count. I am going to keep revising, and hope that I will eventually reach a pragmatic balance.
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School is now or should soon be back in session. Ask your English teacher for help if you are still struggling.
 
pstine said:
Don't you think that brevity is a skill? Every step in the application serves a purpose, even if it is just to make your life more difficult to prove how bad you want it. Play their game correctly and you will be rewarded.
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Limited character count on any college application is pretty much a guarantee. Admissions want the applicant to get to the point so that they can chose faster. Students will need to get good at it for their future graduate school applications too. :)
 
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