Dad Joke thread (everybody welcome)

[UHBlackhawk]

 

[AROTC-dad]

My date was supposed to meet me at the gym.

But she didn't show up.

That's when I realized we weren't going to work out.

 

[justdoit19]

 

[Old Enlisted Marine]

I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

 

[Don't Give Up the Ship]

I had many jokes about forgetting things...but .... wait what was I saying?

 

[Jarhead713]

My favorite thing is when I have two friends who have never met each other.

I tell them both "hey, I want you to meet my friend. He's hard at hearing though so you need to speak up. Like REALLY speak up, like almost shouting."

It usually takes them about 5 minutes to realize the other person can hear just fine, and that I'm just a jerk.

This isn't a dad joke just something funny I do lol

 

[Old Enlisted Marine]

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?


In case he got a hole in one.

 

[justdoit19]

 

[justdoit19]

 

[NJROTC-CC]

View attachment 12846

See what happens when you leave the hyphen out of screw-on. That’s my English teacher mother coming out.

 

[NJROTC-CC]

News Update...

On the busiest weekend for travel the latest data indicates that:

95% of electric vehicles are still on the road.

The other 5% made it home...

 

[UHBlackhawk]

If a bird that flies over the sea is called a seagull, what do you call a bird that flies over the bay?
….

A bagel.

 

[NJROTC-CC]

This was just posted by famous author Stephen King on Twitter:

Fun fact: Ants don't catch Covid because they have these teeny little anty bodies.

 

[Rach3]

 

[Rach3]

The Lord said to John, “Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

 

[Dadof2]

A thief stole the wheels from every police vehicle parked at a local station. Police are working tirelessly to find those responsible.

 

[Old Enlisted Marine]

Why was the cookie mad at his mom?
Because she was a wafer so long!

 

[Dadof2]

I needed a new belt and spent the whole day making one out of old watches. Ended up being a waist of time.

 

[THParent]

What is the opposite of a Debbie Downer?

Well, a Bethamphetamine of Course!

 

[Rach3]