Joke for the Day

okay, i have a good one that i have been dying to tell. here it goes...

If i don't get appointed, i will get....disappointed!!! hahaha! okay, i know its cheesey and dumb, but its how i feel, lol. my family, friends, coaches and teachers (and you guys :) tell me i am going to get it, and i really hope you're right or else i will get disappointed! okay, im done.
 
Hey flyboy, maybe these will help take your mind off things :shake:


Q: How many Navy plebes does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a second year course.


Q: How many Air Force Cadets does it take to change a flat tire?

A: Three, two to go for beer and one to call daddy.


Q: How many Navy Midshipmen does it take to change a flat tire?

A: Five, one to change the tire and four to lament how wonderful the old tire was.


Q: How many Army Cadets does it take to change a tire?

A: Just one, but he gets four hours credit and it counts as a lab science!


A Navy football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the KMart came out and unplugged it.


Q: How many Annapolis midshipmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One he just holds onto the bulb and expects the world to revolve around him.
 
haha, very nice. i have to say, getting a few laughs in throughout the day really helps the anxiety!
 
BUMP!

Yup. This is a repeat but in honor of a recent post by a Senior Chief, I thought it worthy just in case it was missed the first go round:

Five cannibals were employed by the Navy as translators during one of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Admiral of the task force welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Sailors are eating. So please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Sailor."

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the Admiral returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Chiefs has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the Admiral left, the leader of the cannibals turned to the others and said, "Which of you idiots ate the Chief?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replied, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Ensigns, Lieutenants, Lieutenant Commanders, Commanders, and even one Captain and no one noticed anything, then YOU had to go and eat a Chief!"
 
I read this story recently and couldn't stop laughing:yllol:.

Enjoy!

Tickle Me Elmo Story
This allegedly took place in a factory in the USA which manufactured the 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys, (a children's plush cuddly toy which laughs when tickled under the arm). The legend has is it that a new employee was hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she duly reported for her first day's induction training, prior to being allocated a job on the production line. At 08:45 the next day the personnel manager received a visit from an excited assembly line foreman who was not best pleased about the performance of the new recruit. The foreman explained that she was far too slow, and that she was causing the entire line to back-up, delaying the whole production schedule. The personnel manager asked to see what was happening, so both men proceeded to the factory floor. On arrival they saw that the line was indeed badly backed-up - there were hundreds of Tickle Me Elmos strewn all over the factory floor, and they were still piling up. Virtually buried in a mountain of toys sat the new employee earnestly focused on her work. She had a roll of red plush fabric and a bag of marbles. The two men watched amazed as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around a pair of marbles and carefully began sewing the little package between Elmo's legs. The personnel manager began to laugh, and it was some while before he could compose himself, at which he approached the trainee. "I'm sorry," he said to her, not able to disguise his amusement, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.... Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
 
The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
 
Hahahah

What a long read. I've viewed all the pages of this thread. My eye is hurting now. Lol.
 
What is YOUR favorite?

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an
artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some
are terrifically innovative:

1.Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


3.Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.


4.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.


5.Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


7.Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


8.Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.


9.Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


10.Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's, like, a serious bummer.


11.Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.


12.Glibido: All talk and no action.


13.Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.


14.Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.



15.Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


16.Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.


Thank you, Glynn at WAB forums.....I am still laughing about "reintarnation"....:yllol:
 
time to revive this thread....

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a Kentucky mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. :eek:
 
Happy Thanksgiving:

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
 
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aw I find that kinda sad :frown:

But the one about Mr James from Kentucky from WAMom68 is H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :yllol: :jump1:
 
OK I've changed my mind! :biggrin: :tongue:

It's grown on me, I actually really like it!!!! :yllol:
 
Antoinette, I kinda took it seriously cause I am thinking of trying it. Bet I could save that $400 bucks on a flight home. LOL I love it.
 
Well, I thought it was funny as soon as I read it. Glad some of y'all laughed, too. :shake:
 
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As a person of Polish descent I LOVE this joke.....

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

:yllol:
 
HAHAHA!

How come all polish last names end with -ski?

Because they cant spell toboggan
 
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