Led by the candidate

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crescentwrench16

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
22
I'm a '25 candidate to USNA, and I've been watching these forums for a few months now. One of the lessons I've seen being drilled into everyone's heads is that the application process for service academies should be driven by the candidate, not the parents, siblings, etc. But looking at many of the threads, especially the appointment lists, it seems that there is a significant number of parents active on these forums on their child's behalf. This may not be a bad thing, but I was shocked by how many appointments were reported as "DS/DD". It seems to hover at just around 50% of them. This puzzles me, as I would have assumed it would be almost exclusively reported by the candidates themselves. After all, isn't it the candidate that should be the one to search these forums for answers, or at least post their own appointments (I know I've done my fair share of digging here). While I understand that there are many candidates who likely don't feel like explaining the entire convoluted application process to their parents (myself included, not that I don't love my parents, though), thus sending the parents searching these forums for some answers to the cryptic process and vocabulary, it seems that many ask questions and post on behalf of their child. This is just my observation. Does anybody have any thoughts on this, or has anybody seen a similar trend?
 
crescentwrench16 said:
I'm a '25 candidate to USNA, and I've been watching these forums for a few months now. One of the lessons I've seen being drilled into everyone's heads is that the application process for service academies should be driven by the candidate, not the parents, siblings, etc. But looking at many of the threads, especially the appointment lists, it seems that there is a significant number of parents active on these forums on their child's behalf. This may not be a bad thing, but I was shocked by how many appointments were reported as "DS/DD". It seems to hover at just around 50% of them. This puzzles me, as I would have assumed it would be almost exclusively reported by the candidates themselves. After all, isn't it the candidate that should be the one to search these forums for answers, or at least post their own appointments (I know I've done my fair share of digging here). While I understand that there are many candidates who likely don't feel like explaining the entire convoluted application process to their parents (myself included, not that I don't love my parents, though), thus sending the parents searching these forums for some answers to the cryptic process and vocabulary, it seems that many ask questions and post on behalf of their child. This is just my observation. Does anybody have any thoughts on this, or has anybody seen a similar trend?
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You may be on to something. For many parents how much the influence thier DD or DS is a balancing act. What can you do? you can take care of all the SA application process yourself. The more the applicant does-the more likely they will succeed where ever they end up.
 
My user name says it all. Ds assigned me to making appointments and gathering paperwork (primarily for DODMERB), things he couldn't accomplish while in school (our schools have been in session, not online.) I also reviewed his applications for nom's to make sure every item requested was done, uploaded (or packaged for snail mail) and sent. This other stuff is to kill time in-between appointments (I'm a veterinarian), lol.
 
crescentwrench16 said:
I'm a '25 candidate to USNA, and I've been watching these forums for a few months now. One of the lessons I've seen being drilled into everyone's heads is that the application process for service academies should be driven by the candidate, not the parents, siblings, etc. But looking at many of the threads, especially the appointment lists, it seems that there is a significant number of parents active on these forums on their child's behalf. This may not be a bad thing, but I was shocked by how many appointments were reported as "DS/DD". It seems to hover at just around 50% of them. This puzzles me, as I would have assumed it would be almost exclusively reported by the candidates themselves. After all, isn't it the candidate that should be the one to search these forums for answers, or at least post their own appointments (I know I've done my fair share of digging here). While I understand that there are many candidates who likely don't feel like explaining the entire convoluted application process to their parents (myself included, not that I don't love my parents, though), thus sending the parents searching these forums for some answers to the cryptic process and vocabulary, it seems that many ask questions and post on behalf of their child. This is just my observation. Does anybody have any thoughts on this, or has anybody seen a similar trend?
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I am a parent. The wealth of knowledge and advice on here has eased my anxiety throughout this long process. I check the forum frequently and engage pretty regularly.

However, for my son, who thankfully doesn’t tend to be anxious about much, the forum produces stress and anxiety, sometimes giving him reason to worry about things that weren’t even on his radar. Not only does he not have or want his own ID but it’s been respectfully requested recently that I stop sharing daily doses of service academy forum advice with him.

When he was completing his applications, his internet searches would often lead him to answers on this site and that was fine and helpful. But engaging more here, at this point in the process, isn’t his thing.
 
CkzErz said:
I am a parent. The wealth of knowledge and advice on here has eased my anxiety throughout this long process. I check the forum frequently and engage pretty regularly.

However, for my son, who thankfully doesn’t tend to be anxious about much, the forum produces stress and anxiety, sometimes giving him reason to worry about things that weren’t even on his radar. Not only does he not have or want his own ID but it’s been respectfully requested recently that I stop sharing daily doses of service academy forum advice with him.

When he was completing his applications, his internet searches would often lead him to answers on this site and that was fine and helpful. But engaging more here, at this point in the process, isn’t his thing.
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That makes sense. I wonder if this is the case for other hopeful families, too.
 
CkzErz said:
I am a parent. The wealth of knowledge and advice on here has eased my anxiety throughout this long process. I check the forum frequently and engage pretty regularly.

However, for my son, who thankfully doesn’t tend to be anxious about much, the forum produces stress and anxiety, sometimes giving him reason to worry about things that weren’t even on his radar. Not only does he not have or want his own ID but it’s been respectfully requested recently that I stop sharing daily doses of service academy forum advice with him.

When he was completing his applications, his internet searches would often lead him to answers on this site and that was fine and helpful. But engaging more here, at this point in the process, isn’t his thing.
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This is me exactly. I love reading all of this information, it is also entertaining and an escape from my interior design world. I think I'm ready to apply for a job at a sa I love it so much. My DS has done everything himself, he does not want my help nor does he have time to read this forum. I have been asked to stop sharing daily doses of sa advice as well lol. So I only share info like the 1/C's that are going to the Oceanography program at MIT, and the that WP has a ski slope out back.
 
Very hard to make generalizations about who’s on SAF and what role SAF parents are playing. On one extreme are parents who are here purely for their own edification and peace of mind. On the other extreme are parents who are here so that they can be heavily involved in the whole application process. (Is that a helicopter I hear? Or is it a lawn mower?) 😉

I’d never heard of SAF until DD was done with her SA and ROTC apps and had received her first offer of appointment. She told me how helpful it was to know what to do and expect, though to this day I don’t know if she has her own account. I joined shortly after that. Now DS is finishing high school with an eye to pursuing an officer’s commission himself. He knew more than DD did at equivalent stages of the process, but that has more to do with him observing her journey than with me feeding him anything.

I did promise both kids that I’d never post anything that would give away my — and therefore their — identity. So far, so good (I think).
 
Pretty much the same for me as the other parents have said. I didn't do any of his applications (that would be appalling to me). I sometimes chauffeured so he could interview prep in the car, or review his resume and essays (3 hours drive each way for all MOC interviews, all of course scheduled for 3 different weekends). With a long commute to school and work, he had limited daylight hours.

I touched base with him in terms of calendar items that he might want to be reminded of. I cooked, encouraged, proofread essays for punctuation errors (at his request), and made sure there were vitamins, peanut butter, and yogurt in the house and gas in the tank.

I came here to learn what I didn't know, so I could assist him. Applying to more than one is daunting and there are many nuances that can be gleaned here. He didn't have time to glean the forums, no way. If I recall correctly, he only posted here once. When he shares a frustration or a challenge, I occasionally will send him via email a post from the sage and wise posters here. Those 'ancient mariner's or 'devil doc's can succinctly state something he may benefit from. They, not I, have experience in the fleet and my kiddo, like many on this forum can learn from their commentary.

What I gathered was only offered when he asked or ran into a stumbling block.

I wasn't going to be in Bancroft or on the field for morning workouts. I wouldn't be in his chem class. No doubt about it, the candidate has to be the one driving this. That being said, parenting is done in many different ways and styles (there's a thread on the helicopter, snow plow, free-range, etc). Each family has to figure that out for themselves. And each parent should rejoice in their kid's managing this process and the growth they will see from the STEM camp application to the MOC interviews. The experience of navigating this and completing it is valuable in itself for the applicant.
 
There are also a lot of people here merely trying to provide guidance and information so that parents and candidates don't make some of the same mistakes we made (as parents and candidates). I lurked for a few years before joining and posting. I learned a lot, but my DS and I still made some mistakes in the process. The process of applying to multiple SAs, ROTC Scholarships, applying to multiple schools, finishing senior year...is an exercise in time and data management. It can be overwhelming for an 18 year old, especially in times like we are currently experiencing. This board is littered with stories of candidates that missed a step, or completed an ill advised step. My goal as a parent was an advisor, air traffic controller and calming influence.

I went through this same process 30 years ago and I wish there was a resource like this available to me. I am amazed at the level of knowledge and the broad range of experiences and expertise on display here.
 
I absolutely believe it should led by the candidate, but agree with others who say that many parents find the forums informative where candidates might be consumed by other things. I also think that the forum is made better by having not just candidates and moderators, but parents who can give advice to parents as they go through this journey. Then, you have others, like me, who originally joined first as a school counselor when I first became a high school counselor. I've learned so much on the forums to help students and have also been able to contribute information that oftentimes only counselors might know or have more experience with. I love that the SAF is a mix of people trying to help and learn from each other.
 
I'm a parent and I'm here just so I can get a little bit of insight into what's going on. My kid (DD) has taken care of everything on her own (where she didn't need parent involvement) and she's managing her own process. Occasionally she will ask if there's been anything interesting on the boards and I did share with her the 2 different candidateforce links, which she hadn't figured out on her own.

I'd like to think that I'm not a lawnmower/helicopter parent, but maybe that's what all lawnmower/helicopter parents say.... LOL

I think my kid just doesn't have time to get sucked into the message boards, no matter how valuable it may actually be. She is on a candidate chat (possibly Discord) with a handful of kids and they seem to be helping each other out (advice, encouragement, experiences, etc) and that seems to be more suitable for her. I am just so grateful to the many "regulars" here who moderate and provide a lot of information. For both the candidates who need it and the parents who just want it.
 
crescentwrench16 said:
I'm a '25 candidate to USNA, and I've been watching these forums for a few months now. One of the lessons I've seen being drilled into everyone's heads is that the application process for service academies should be driven by the candidate, not the parents, siblings, etc. But looking at many of the threads, especially the appointment lists, it seems that there is a significant number of parents active on these forums on their child's behalf. This may not be a bad thing, but I was shocked by how many appointments were reported as "DS/DD". It seems to hover at just around 50% of them. This puzzles me, as I would have assumed it would be almost exclusively reported by the candidates themselves. After all, isn't it the candidate that should be the one to search these forums for answers, or at least post their own appointments (I know I've done my fair share of digging here). While I understand that there are many candidates who likely don't feel like explaining the entire convoluted application process to their parents (myself included, not that I don't love my parents, though), thus sending the parents searching these forums for some answers to the cryptic process and vocabulary, it seems that many ask questions and post on behalf of their child. This is just my observation. Does anybody have any thoughts on this, or has anybody seen a similar trend?
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I am a parent of a prospective cadet. I can tell you with 100% accuracy that my DS is the driving force behind his wanting to go to a SA. While we are a military family and support our DS in whatever he chooses to do, me being on the forum is a way that I can learn about the process.
I have never seen any of his applications and TBH I have zero clue about due dates, etc.
My DS is not one for social media in any form, that is why he isn’t a member here. I also expect there are others just like him with the same attitude towards SM.
 
I am a parent. I started on this site when DS was a freshman in high school. He was, and still is, focused on the present and getting through the day-to-day hustle of classes, sports, NJROTC, community service, dating, etc. Until fairly recently, he has not thought too much about his future. Not all young people mature at the same time and not all are focused, squared-away or know what they "want to be when they grow up." So, I have been on this site collecting information with which to advise DS so that when he decides where to apply to college, I can give him some pointers. One example: I never even heard of Boys State before I joined this forum. But I told DS about it and he is going this summer. I have learned about various other things on this forum such as NAPS, the Sponsored Prep Scholarships, The Coast Guard CSPI program, how to write an essay that stands out, and a whole bunch of other things that I have advised DS about. He would much rather be living his high school life rather than lurking on this site. No offense, but I think it would be kind of nerdy for a healthy, active 16 year old male to be spending time lurking on this site rather than studying, playing sports, socializing, competing in orienteering competitions, doing community service, etc. (Although certainly one can do both.) When it comes time for starting his application, DS will be the one in charge. I will just be there to advise him.
 
There are many sources for answers besides SAF. My son is not a 'forum' person. If he had a question and couldn't find it, or wanted to confirm an answer, he would ask me to ask here. Basically he would give me the 'green light.' Now I pretty much just read and help out if I think I can. I've been a member for two years and really don't post that much at all.

While my son is a Midshipman, he is my son first. I don't care if he becomes an Admiral one day and I'm blessed enough to still be alive to see the day. He's always going to be my son first and I am going to do whatever I can to help him when he asks like I will my other kids.

This reminds me of a bunch of posts on another social media platform last year. A parent was asking a tax question, and a few people tried to flame him for helping his son. Are you kidding me? Just because an 18 year old is in a SA doesn't mean he/she is beyond getting help from their parents. It certainly doesn't make him/her a tax expert!

But yes, this all must be led by the candidate.
 
I'm on my second college app process with our DS, having gone through it with my DD. What I learned the first time is while the students should be driving the process, this is also a valuable learning opportunity. For my DD that applied to 17 schools including Ivies, and then with my DS applying to an SA, the goal at the end of the process besides the applications themselves was to learn things like...

The importance of networking, how to network, how to use email communications effectively, how to check communications for tone, objective and clarity, when should it be email and when should it be snail mail, how to use your tools including a calendar, to do lists and reminders, how do you effectively "ask" for something and how can you be direct without being abrasive or disrespectful.....just to name a few. So I'll admit, I wasn't completely "hands off" but I didn't do anything for them either. Hopefully the way in which I engaged the process leaves them with a new set, or vastly improved, life skills that they will take with them regardless of where they land.

As for this forum - it's been wonderful in helping me navigate the process as a parent of a candidate. I have much respect for many of the people on this forum.
 
ma25 said:
This is me exactly. I love reading all of this information, it is also entertaining and an escape from my interior design world. I think I'm ready to apply for a job at a sa I love it so much. My DS has done everything himself, he does not want my help nor does he have time to read this forum. I have been asked to stop sharing daily doses of sa advice as well lol. So I only share info like the 1/C's that are going to the Oceanography program at MIT, and the that WP has a ski slope out back.
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Ok we now have an interior designer, a veterinarian and an accountant (me) who enjoy spending their free time on the forum!

Funny about the ski slope. We live nearby so my son was going to finally try it during this school break but I have to say it’s been inconsistently opening this season. Some technical troubles with the lift I believe.
 
CkzErz said:
Ok we now have an interior designer, a veterinarian and an accountant (me) who enjoy spending their free time on the forum!

Funny about the ski slope. We live nearby so my son was going to finally try it during this school break but I have to say it’s been inconsistently opening this season. Some technical troubles with the lift I believe.
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You can add a high school guest teacher and auto repair shop co-owner. ;)
 
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