Parents...

maroonandgold said:
Don't know about other folks, but my parents don't want me joining the military so I completed the application on my own. Service academy forums has been invaluable during the process.
Click to expand...

Truthfully, I didn’t want my son joining either. He had talked about it since he was young and I thought it was just a phase but he sat me down summer before 9th grade and told me his reasons for wanting this and told me his plan. He had it all worked out and once I realized how important this was to him and how serious he was I did my own research and support him 100%. We researched all the branches and talked about what kind of college experience he wanted and he decided AROTC would be his path. It’s scary for a parent to think about their child being away, let alone other dangers they may face. I’m not sure how long your parents have had to adjust to the idea but hopefully they will come around once they see how important this is to you.

His first semester at ROTC has been the best experience of his life. He has never smiled as much as he does with his ROTC buddies and I am absolutely convinced this is a great opportunity for him.

Good luck to you!
 
From one of my previous posts: thought it would be helpful here..just one veteran parent's opinion:

I flew helicopters in flight school, so I'm a "helicopter" dad. I'm also involved in my kids' education and decision-making, because I have 29 years of service. Being closely involved in their lives has given me good insight into their passion and desire to serve. In this competitive environment, being "hands off" is ill-advised. One definition of a leader is helping others to achieve, including your DD or DS. So as far as helicopter parents go, we should not be hovering right over our kids, but they should definitely feel our rotor wash ;)
 
All great viewpoints shared constructively in all posts above. Hey, for those who were able to let the reigns go and their kids got through this process - respect. Kudos. For you, the details below won't apply - please skip.

For those who vary on when to engage/guide and let things go, I would just recommend a consideration of the impacts to help guide those decisions. There are a lot of things for my children that my DW and I step see heading for rougher/ deeper water, we warn them but then let them fail. Like the movie Frozen, we "let it go (Elsa)". for fun, here are some examples.

My DS had a haircut for a while that made him look like a bit of, well, an ASL. I warned him a few times, and then "let it go". Pretty funny how many people slid in comments to me about it randomly, as if I wasn't aware - it's all good. He grew out of that phase, mercifully.
My DS was taking on entirely too much in HS. Somehow in FR/ Sophomore year he made it all work - not so much in his Junior year. we warned, and then were there to help him get back on track when the dam started to break.
My DD had a fair weather friend who was there for her - but only when better options were not present . We warned, and let it go - it played itself out.
I am indeed a terrible dancer. Awkward, goofy, but at weddings I will dance - I enjoy it. My wife warns me privately, cringes inside, but then let's it go.
Point - plenty of opportunities for kids to stumble, learn that have less impact.

For many of these kids, the stakes for these applications are incredibly high - a dream opportunity to serve that they would be very disappointed if they don't get, a dream career of maybe 20+ years - excitement, bonding, training. and yes an education that comes with that commitment too. For many they just can't imagine not doing this. So IMO if you're one to pick and choose when to "let go", the stakes are high on this. I recommend if you you assist in navigating the gauntlet of a process that even as an adult I found daunting.

Like getting in a car with a drunk driver, for me when you have a kid who needs the guidance on this , it's too big of an impact for me not to engage and let them learn on this one - not on my watch. Honestly for my second and third child, I probably would engage less. It varies. So for the applications last year, we guided, we pushed, we reminded, and we had a checklist reviewed just about every day in September of his sr year. And we were delighted with the results. Now with the ROTC unit, we are completely hands-off. Haven't talked to the unit once. Don't intend to until graduation. because now it's on him as an adult to work it out.

Good food for thought discussion thread. Thanks all for sharing your views. Hope this all helps.
 
My dad says that my job is to focus on school and having fun with my EC's. He was against me getting a job. He told me that once I'm 18, I'm mostly on my own. But until then, he has been supporting me and helping me get into college and scouring the Internet for answers, e.g., Minuteman Scholarship vs. National ROTC. He is a helicopter dad. But when I leave for college, he's grounded. I will either sink or swim.
 
Tyman said:
Personally I believe that it should be 100% (besides the pre-interview pep talk and the driving to it) reliant on the candidate....The candidate should already be motivated for it
Click to expand...
Most of these 17 year olds are highly motivated and made the decision on their own to try for SAs, but they have limited experience with how the adult working world functions. Teachers, LOR writers, counselors, MOC staff, NROTC and college staff, BGO, ALO all interact with our kids and make or refine judgement about them during this process. In our house, May-November was a running dialogue about how adults interpret a 17 year olds' communication choices. Question not answered on the website or instructions? How does DS decide when or if to call, email or text? What is a reasonable time lapse before asking a 2nd time? How much status updating is necessary and how much is excessive? How should he package the printed nomination application for Congressman Jason Crow (brand new office with online Nom application form not yet functional)? How early should he arrive for MOC interviews? What do you wear for Skype interview? How do you start a phone call with a busy, important adult who may not immediately remember you? Ultimately, every communication was DS's choice. But he often took our recommendations and I don't regret that. Even if all three SAs say, "no thanks", he is better prepared for any role in the adult world today because of his decision to go after SA education.
 
In our experience, the period between the beginning of the application and i-day was a continuum of weening - DS from us and (more importantly) us from DS. We did not direct the process but we did do things like ask, "Hey, ____, how's that essay going? Would you like another pair of eyes on it before you send it?" and "Have you heard from guidance counselor yet about whether she sent in your verification of ECs?" He took us up on the review of his essays (with dings for grammar and spelling but not content). We did not have access to his portal. He asked for help on his DoDMETs forms because I had all his stuff from our family doctor on disc. I insisted on going with him to this DoDMERB exam in case I needed to sign something (but all I did was wait in the lobby and read Time magazine from 1998). After he was CPR, I think the only thing we asked (in fact, a lot) was, "Hey, have you checked your portal lately?" His NROTC application was completely his own except that I drove him to his officer interview so I could find parking at the local U. Not saying any of this because it's good or bad, just that this is how it all went down. I wanted to be as prepared as I could if he had questions (hence, I joined this forum - he did, too but I didn't find that out until near the end).

The minute he walked into Alumni Hall on I-Day, I knew my job was pretty much over. DW has had a harder time with that but I had a front-row seat watching him take responsibility for himself during his application process. I will always be a parent but whether he was going to be at USNA or ROTC, he was going to take charge from there on. It is really hard to come to the realization that he doesn't really need us anymore. It's a new paradigm for DW and I. We dropped him off at the airport after Christmas and the baggage security lines were way longer than he thought. He missed his flight but arranged to get on another and we didn't find out until later when he texted us that he made it to Annapolis. We hope he shares a little bit more than he has (but I'm not counting on it). For parents - your son or daughter is far more capable than you realize (or would like to admit) and that this transition will likely be harder on you than them. Do both of you a favor and begin to pull away during the application process - it's a good time to do so.
 
This conversation started with the question if it was somehow the right thing to do to have parent involvement in the process for SA‘s or ROTC. there have been great answers both ways, it comes down to each individual applicant and their family what the right answer is.

In our case it was our daughters dream and she did the work all through high school, to be a well rounded candidate and to prepare herself for the challenges of college. Here is what is so individual and it is up to each parent to determine what help is needed to help them succeed and drawing the line when appropriate for the child to do it, in our case, she had the dream, did the work and also at the same time doubted herself. She had a lot of fear that she wouldn’t be good enough, we are not a military family so she didn’t have a role model to guide her that had been there themselves. It was up to us to fill that role even though we were sorely unqualified to do so. One thing we did was to drive her and pay for multiple college visits so she could talk to ROTC ROOs and give the info from the source, She would not have had the means to do that herself. She needed to be pushed and she needed to be encouraged with “if you don’t apply then you can‘t receive one, so just apply.” I think similarly when kids don’t have that guidance at home and turn to this forum to “chance me” or ”can you read my essay” they are really saying, “I am doubting myself and need some help with confidence.” Heck I too run ideas at work by a trusted colleague or my spouse before putting my stuff out there so I get it. If I didn’t have someone i trusted, I too might turn to the internet.

I think at the end of the day, encouragement and guidance is always healthy, enabling is not. Finding that line is a tough balance for all parents and mentors, and it is great to see a healthy conversation around that. Bottom line, what works for one parent and candidate never means that is the only way to do it, but it might give someone else an idea that will help.

My DD will commission in May and will be going infantry, the normal jitters of the challenge of that job is now her reality, and the doubts as a female are understandable and she is working through those and not letting them stop her. The difference of a high school senior and a college senior is she has built her own network and has her own people to encourage her and to help her through those hurdles, now I get to hear about that process but my role is now more of an audience member and a cheerleader not as a guide or coach.

If any of this info on this thread helps you as a parent or a candidate, use it, if it doesn’t than just leave it, it may not help you, but it might just help someone else.
 
Therese_In_Denver said:
Most of these 17 year olds are highly motivated and made the decision on their own to try for SAs, but they have limited experience with how the adult working world functions. Teachers, LOR writers, counselors, MOC staff, NROTC and college staff, BGO, ALO all interact with our kids and make or refine judgement about them during this process. In our house, May-November was a running dialogue about how adults interpret a 17 year olds' communication choices. Question not answered on the website or instructions? How does DS decide when or if to call, email or text? What is a reasonable time lapse before asking a 2nd time? How much status updating is necessary and how much is excessive? How should he package the printed nomination application for Congressman Jason Crow (brand new office with online Nom application form not yet functional)? How early should he arrive for MOC interviews? What do you wear for Skype interview? How do you start a phone call with a busy, important adult who may not immediately remember you? Ultimately, every communication was DS's choice. But he often took our recommendations and I don't regret that. Even if all three SAs say, "no thanks", he is better prepared for any role in the adult world today because of his decision to go after SA education.
Click to expand...
This is so good and such a realistic picture of how these conversations unfold, all the new things for them to navigate, and if it isn’t happening at home, that is many times why kids turn to asking here.
 
My son never applied to the academies so i have no idea what the application process is like. I however do think its funny that people expect their kids to fill out all of the forms without any help from their parents. I think its funny because as a CPA, i find most people cant fill out a form if their life depended on it. Not only do i help people fill out their tax returns, but I have helped out with FAFSA and countless other forms (non tax related) because my clients eyes glaze over when they see it. Of course there are those who can do it in their sleep but on the whole, i think people arent good with them unless of of course you do a lot of them. In any case, the one items that always seems to stick out is when an applicant says they have some medical condition when in reality have never been diagosed with it. Again i have never seen the forms to apply, but most government forms arent the best
 
Dckc88 said:
My DD will commission in May and will be going infantry, the normal jitters of the challenge of that job is now her reality, and the doubts as a female are understandable and she is working through those and not letting them stop her.
Click to expand...

Everyone should really take note of the fact that she is branching infantry.

This is one tough young lady!

Brava!
 
A1Janitor said:
I bet even the military people with long careers bounce off situations in their lives with their parents.
Click to expand...
My father served for 43 years and our service overlapped for 6 years. I never asked for guidance or advice from him on military stuff. When I needed to discuss issues that arose, I usually went to shipmates, classmates or more senior/experienced people. A junior officer usually has a senior enlisted person in their unit who works for them but is also supposed to train them. Asking Mom or Dad about how they should handle Seaman Shmuckitelli's uniform issues, while it may make mom and dad happy to be involved, is not likely to be current or appropriate to their unit and in any case could short circuit the training that is supposed to happen.

When I was an Ensign and LTJG, my dad had already been a Chief for 30 years (seriously) which was literally ten times more experience than my two chiefs had but I needed to work with THEM, partly to hear their advice but also because it gets back through the Senior Enlisted grapevine that Ens So-and-so came to them (or didn't) and this has a LOT to do which how well I was accepted when working with other division's Chiefs.

My USNA grad son does not come to me and discuss the issues that he faces. We have and at times continue to talk career planning stuff although he is not a SWO but only at a very general level.
 
Last edited:
AROTC-dad said:
What really amazes me are the candidates who come from a difficult or poor home environment yet still pursue an appointment. These young people literally have the deck stacked against them and yet they rise to the occasion.

Here is an example of one such candidate who was adopted at age nine from Haiti:
https://www.heraldnet.com/news/from-haiti-to-smokey-point-now-she-wants-to-go-to-west-point/
Click to expand...
From one of my USNA admissions workshops, some yrs ago, they had a candidate who was in a foster home and the foster parents were hard against the application because they would lose their state stipend when this candidate left their nest. Needless to say there was ZERO assistance from home on this and the candidate also had to try to help younger siblings who were in the same foster home. This was during the time when USNA plebes had to bring a check with them on I-day that was a deposit to help pay for their plebe issue and needless to say, there was no help on this. The USNA community managed to quietly help get over that hurdle.
 
OldRetSWO said:
My father served for 43 years and our service overlapped for 6 years. I never asked for guidance or advice from him on military stuff. When I needed to discuss issues that arose, I usually went to shipmates, classmates or more senior/experienced people. A junior officer usually has a senior enlisted person in their unit who works for them but is also supposed to train them. Asking Mom or Dad about how they should handle Seaman Shmuckitelli's uniform issues, while it may make mom and dad happy to be involved, is not likely to be current or appropriate to their unit and in any case could short circuit the training that is supposed to happen.

When I was an Ensign and LTJG, my dad had already been a Chief for 30 years (seriously) which was literally ten times more experience than my two chiefs had but I needed to work with THEM, partly to hear their advice but also because it gets back through then Senior Enlisted grapevine that Ens So-and-so came to them (or didn't) and this has a LOT to do which how well I was accepted when working with other division's Chiefs.

My USNA grad son does not come to me and discuss the issues that he faces. We have and at times continue to talk career planning stuff although he is not a SWO but only at a very general level.
Click to expand...

To each their own.

My son would never ask me anything about the military.

But he would be a fool not to ask an expert about a tax question, or an investment question, or a real estate question ... and rely on some military guy because that’s the way it is supposed to be.

We all have our expertises. I still ask my father questions outside of my chosen career. At 85 years old - his advice is more valuable to me.
 
A1Janitor said:
To each their own.

My son would never ask me anything about the military.

But he would be a fool not to ask an expert about a tax question, or an investment question, or a real estate question ... and rely on some military guy because that’s the way it is supposed to be.

We all have our expertises. I still ask my father questions outside of my chosen career. At 85 years old - his advice is more valuable to me.
Click to expand...
Oh, Non-Military stuff? Yeah, we talk that stuff. Investments, taxes, etc.
Heck, I even officiated at his wedding.
My daughter calls me to talk business strategy, interview stuff, etc. The current issue of Forbes is their "Thirty under Thirty" edition which sadly, she is not in but she was a finalist for.
 
OldRetSWO said:
My father served for 43 years and our service overlapped for 6 years. I never asked for guidance or advice from him on military stuff. When I needed to discuss issues that arose, I usually went to shipmates, classmates or more senior/experienced people. A junior officer usually has a senior enlisted person in their unit who works for them but is also supposed to train them.
Click to expand...

"Just ask the Chief, Sir"
 
OldRetSWO said:
Oh, Non-Military stuff? Yeah, we talk that stuff. Investments, taxes, etc.
Heck, I even officiated at his wedding.
My daughter calls me to talk business strategy, interview stuff, etc. The current issue of Forbes is their "Thirty under Thirty" edition which sadly, she is not in but she was a finalist for.
Click to expand...

LMAO

My son is not an idiot. Why would he ask me something that I have no knowledge about? He would just tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about after I responded.

If he asked me a military question I would tell him to ask the person immediately above him in his chain of command.

The point is ... parents can always be a source of direction, inspiration - etc - even after they become adults.
 
AROTC-dad said:
What really amazes me are the candidates who come from a difficult or poor home environment yet still pursue an appointment. These young people literally have the deck stacked against them and yet they rise to the occasion.

Here is an example of one such candidate who was adopted at age nine from Haiti:
https://www.heraldnet.com/news/from-haiti-to-smokey-point-now-she-wants-to-go-to-west-point/
Click to expand...
I am constantly inspired by people who have a goal and through grit find a way, this is a great story!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top