All great viewpoints shared constructively in all posts above. Hey, for those who were able to let the reigns go and their kids got through this process - respect. Kudos. For you, the details below won't apply - please skip.
For those who vary on when to engage/guide and let things go, I would just recommend a consideration of the impacts to help guide those decisions. There are a lot of things for my children that my DW and I step see heading for rougher/ deeper water, we warn them but then let them fail. Like the movie Frozen, we "let it go (Elsa)". for fun, here are some examples.
My DS had a haircut for a while that made him look like a bit of, well, an ASL. I warned him a few times, and then "let it go". Pretty funny how many people slid in comments to me about it randomly, as if I wasn't aware - it's all good. He grew out of that phase, mercifully.
My DS was taking on entirely too much in HS. Somehow in FR/ Sophomore year he made it all work - not so much in his Junior year. we warned, and then were there to help him get back on track when the dam started to break.
My DD had a fair weather friend who was there for her - but only when better options were not present . We warned, and let it go - it played itself out.
I am indeed a terrible dancer. Awkward, goofy, but at weddings I will dance - I enjoy it. My wife warns me privately, cringes inside, but then let's it go.
Point - plenty of opportunities for kids to stumble, learn that have less impact.
For many of these kids, the stakes for these applications are incredibly high - a dream opportunity to serve that they would be very disappointed if they don't get, a dream career of maybe 20+ years - excitement, bonding, training. and yes an education that comes with that commitment too. For many they just can't imagine not doing this. So IMO if you're one to pick and choose when to "let go", the stakes are high on this. I recommend if you you assist in navigating the gauntlet of a process that even as an adult I found daunting.
Like getting in a car with a drunk driver, for me when you have a kid who needs the guidance on this , it's too big of an impact for me not to engage and let them learn on this one - not on my watch. Honestly for my second and third child, I probably would engage less. It varies. So for the applications last year, we guided, we pushed, we reminded, and we had a checklist reviewed just about every day in September of his sr year. And we were delighted with the results. Now with the ROTC unit, we are completely hands-off. Haven't talked to the unit once. Don't intend to until graduation. because now it's on him as an adult to work it out.
Good food for thought discussion thread. Thanks all for sharing your views. Hope this all helps.