Parents...

I agree with it being about striking a balance with the kid doing the bulk of the application process and parents as a guide. DD was self sufficient through the process. Before I pat ourselves on the back, she has always been an independent and easy child. We thought she was a result of our superior parenting skills so God blessed us with our second child just to humble us! šŸ¤£ We adore both our children! Our second child cured us from ever uttering the word, "My child will never do xyz." Bit us in the behind every time! DS brings us as much joy and pride as DD but he has required additional "guidance." If he applies to an SA, I might change my mind to say the parent should complete the application from a to z! I won't go that far but I could find myself nudging frequently.
 
Great conversation! Especially during a week where some of us are waiting for a decision on the 2nd AROTC Board.
 
It can't be 100% candidate (child)-driven. This process, esp. for those who are not insiders or not in the military, is byzantine, confusing, protracted, at times nonsensical.

There is no way on earth that a child -- yes, I'm deliberately using that term; a 17 year-old is, under the law, a child, and is not just de jure but de facto incapable of managing this process on his/her own -- can navigate successfully a process that baffles even sophisticated adults.

So the balance between parent and child is maybe 25% parent, 75% child overall. Or maybe 50/50 at the outset, gradually declining to 25/75, but it will never be 100% applicant/child-driven until the child is a (legal) adult and fully into the service academy or ROTC program.

My $0.02... YMMV.
 
At the end of the day all of these applications are kids' first interactions with government bureaucracies. Fully grown, educated adults have trouble navigating such processes, let alone kids. There is nothing wrong, IMO, with guiding them sufficiently to avoid such minefields and traps as best as possible. They will have plenty of time in the coming years to do it on their own.
 
thibaud said:
"until the child is a (legal) adult"
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You know, that's a very good point that I haven't seen brought up before. Had to take my youngest DS to the Pediatrician yesterday (flu is rampant where we live). Never really noticed it before, but multiple signs in the waiting area, "we will not examine any patient under the age of 18 without a parent present". Seems logical...

So, in general terms, why would a parent NOT be "present" (read: very involved) in this entire process? My Academy Bound DS is still a minor, and will be until just before he reports. He'll have plenty of time to get the rest of his s__t together over the following 4 years commencing 29 June.

...I just remembered - our oldest turned 18 during Beast (July B/D) when he was at USMA. I'm not even sure you can enlist at 17 without parent signatures, etc.
 
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thibaud said:
So the balance between parent and child is maybe 25% parent, 75% child overall. Or maybe 50/50 at the outset, gradually declining to 25/75, but it will never be 100% applicant/child-driven until the child is a (legal) adult and fully into the service academy or ROTC program.
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With all due respect, I'm not sure you can put a specific number like that that would apply to everyone. I have a DD and DS who both applied for USNA and NROTC a few years ago. DD was as close to 100% driving the process as you can get. DW and I had no idea what was involved or how it worked. She came to us requesting information a few times (medical and family history stuff she didn' t know) but other than that all we did was drive her to MOC interviews and try to make sure she was exploring other college options. DS did not come as close to 100% driving his application process, but that was mainly because his sister had just gone through it and she was able to guide him. I've learned way more about the process lurking and posting on this forum since DD and DS's journeys than I ever knew when they were going through it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this should be the case with everyone. I think parents and kids will do what they feel is right for their situation. I will say that I think the more the kid is driving things, the better.

Just my opinion, which I'm not sure is even worth $.02....
 
A lot of the things here are coming from parents, wondering if we could have a couple of people my age ,17, to chime in on this. And a background on me is that Iā€™m a senior in high school drowned with taking APs and extracurriculars. Why do I say this? Many of the adults here, from how I read it, seem to underestimate their childs capabilities. I was able to complete the application 100% on my own and whenever I had a questioned Iā€™d either look it up online, Reddit is great, or check with the scholarship technician. Yes I understand that not everyone is able to time manage properly or relieve stress but as my high school teachers say, ā€œYou are not a freshman anymore, you are a senior so act like oneā€. Those are just my four cents.
 
thibaud said:
It can't be 100% candidate (child)-driven. This process, esp. for those who are not insiders or not in the military, is byzantine, confusing, protracted, at times nonsensical.

There is no way on earth that a child -- yes, I'm deliberately using that term; a 17 year-old is, under the law, a child, and is not just de jure but de facto incapable of managing this process on his/her own -- can navigate successfully a process that baffles even sophisticated adults.

So the balance between parent and child is maybe 25% parent, 75% child overall. Or maybe 50/50 at the outset, gradually declining to 25/75, but it will never be 100% applicant/child-driven until the child is a (legal) adult and fully into the service academy or ROTC program.

My $0.02... YMMV.
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Our son did the process completely on his own. We honestly had zero input when he was applying and I ended up looking online for information just so we had an idea of what he was doing. I understand it varies by the child, but a blanket statement saying that no way on earth a 17-year-old can do it on their own is incorrect. Iā€™ve seen it happen.

Stealth_81
 
My son was awarded a four year NROTC-MO scholarship last year. Our philosophy was he had to do the work himself with our encouragement and support. I did check in on him periodically regarding deadlines. I was his workout partner for getting ready for the PFT but other than that he was on his own. Frankly I'm surprised to see so many postings of sample essays on this forum looking for feedback. Again, we felt this had to be his own work. From the heart. As a Navy vet commissioned via ROTC my advice for the interview was to just be himself and answer honestly. So he had no "professional" interview prep... or any interview prep. I felt these Marine officers would see through "canned/practiced" responses right away. His interview was a two hour drive from home and we had him drive himself to the interview. Our thought was he would look more independent and responsible if he handled this "detail" on his own without his parents escorting him there. I just told him to be in the parking lot an hour early in case of traffic, get a Starbucks and relax. In the Corps if you're not 15 minutes early you're late. I got a call from the interviewing captain after he was awarded the scholarship saying how impressed they were with him during the interview and throughout the application process. I'm probably a lone wolf here and "old school" but that's how we handled it.
 
We are all different. I drove my son to the interview. I read his essays. We did practice questions before hand.

He earned the valedictorian. He worked hard for the CFA. He did very well on the SATs. He did 100% of the application. He played three sports. He did the extracurriculars. He met with teachers, guidance counselors, and the administration.

And he is doing very well in his plebe year developing.

Not sure anyone can make generalizations about other parents and what is right. After all - we all have students either in the SAs or wanting to be in. Parenting did something right.

I bet even the military people with long careers bounce off situations in their lives with their parents.
 
AI Janitor... did not mean to imply our way was the only way. All kids are different and many different approaches obviously work. A hands off approach worked for us. And you're right... all the kids on this forum have a desire to serve which reflects well on the parents.
 
It really depends on the kid and the family. I know my kid is working as hard as he can in all aspects of his life, which includes a strong commitment to studying (top 10%), wrestling (captain and managing his diet due to weight cutting), student government (2-3 activities), BSA, and other school and volunteer activities, not to mention a part time job on various weekends. I have no issue helping him manage the application process for his SA applications, ROTC applications, and college applications. We discuss deadlines, share critical thoughts on essays and life experiences, and I am there to remind him of deadlines if need be and to nudge him (sometimes gently, sometimes not so gently) on tasks, strategies, and tactics as they relate to his present and future life. I remind him that to whom much is given much is expected, and that one of the recipes for success is to do the tasks you don't like first, among other nuggets. At the end of the day I also firmly believe that whatever he does he will be successful at it because he works hard and typically works smart (hey, he is a high school senior for crying out loud....and when I think back to what I was doing in high school I shutter, lol). I also remind him that taking a gap year is always an option as long as he has a plan. Anyway....my two cents.
 
maroonandgold said:
Don't know about other folks, but my parents don't want me joining the military so I completed the application on my own. Service academy forums has been invaluable during the process.
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My parents were, uh, indifferent at first. When I showed them how serious I was i.e. working hard and getting a nomination, they were incredibly supportive. I can 100% understand why it's difficult for parents to get on board with the military idea.

My grandfather suffers from PTSD that was triggered by Vietnam, so it was difficult for them to recognize that I understood the risks involved.
 
maroonandgold said:
Don't know about other folks, but my parents don't want me joining the military so I completed the application on my own. Service academy forums has been invaluable during the process.
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Same here. The only way I could get my parents blessings would be if I got an AFROTC Scholarship.
 
This will probably be my only contribution to this thread, but this "discussion" is one of the best examples of how the survey tool could be useful on a thread.

Every poster has an opinion and there is no right or wrong position. Everyone has been quick to point out that their position on this subject is their own and thus far, no criticism of others. No hard right/wrong debates. What is right for one family (and one child) may be different for another. No one will be changing their opinions. So, in the end, this is just a collection of viewpoints and an somewhat interesting read on the subject.

Here is one framework for assessing parenting style. Source: https://www.brighthorizons.com/family-resources/parenting-style-four-types-of-parenting

"The work of Diane Baumrind in the 1960s created one commonly-referenced categorization of parenting styles. The four Baumrind parenting styles have distinct names and characteristics:
  • Authoritarian or Disciplinarian
  • Permissive or Indulgent
  • Uninvolved
  • Authoritative
These Baumrind parenting styles are United States-centric and it is not clear how well these styles describe parents cross-culturally. Each parenting style varies in at least four areas: discipline style, communication, nurturance, and expectations."

"Today, new names for parenting styles are arising. For example, ā€œhelicopter parentingā€ is similar to the authoritative style, but with a little more involvement, or some might say over-involvement, in a childā€™s life. ā€œFree range parentingā€ resembles the uninvolved style, but with a conscious decision to allow more independent thinking that is in the best interest of the child."
 
tgtl said:
My DS insisted on doing it all alone. I have no idea what he wrote in his essays or his survey. I gave him some materials to review before his interview, but he didnā€™t want to discuss it. He got a 3 year to his first choice. Maybe some ā€œhelpful tipsā€ or interview prep would have gotten him a 4 year, we will never know. But the sense of independence and accomplishment he gained from doing this 100% on his own was a big lesson for me.
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I definitely would have helped him had he let me and I recognize applying to the academies is more involved. My DS is very independent, had been planning for this since middle school and it was very personal to him. He did let me go over the medical stuff with him after he received the scholarship. He also was in the middle of wrestling season as captain, taking 4 AP classes working 25 hrs a week and maintaining honor roll, etc so he made sure to get everything done early. He has now applied for project GO. He did let me read his essays and I suggested some changes but he said he liked his way better. I am still trying to learn to let go of my helicopter mom instinct. šŸ˜‚
 
Stealth_81 said:
Our son did the process completely on his own. We honestly had zero input when he was applying and I ended up looking online for information just so we had an idea of what he was doing. I understand it varies by the child, but a blanket statement saying that no way on earth a 17-year-old can do it on their own is incorrect. Iā€™ve seen it happen.

Stealth_81
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Ditto.

DW and I didn't even know DS applied for AROTC scholarship until after he received it. He also got it transferred from GA Tech to Big 10 State U and further got it deferred in order to do a gap year overseas without any help from us. And this 17 year old couldn't even make his bed.

I'm not suggesting he did EVERYTHING by himself, but ROTC was definitely his baby.
 
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