There have been dual-military couples in abundance in the last 40 years, and a few with at least one half of the couple at flag rank. Dual military couples, any rank, have been around for decades now. Plenty of rules to cover situations like what BAH is paid if both are in same area, do they both lose BAH if residing in same military housing (yes, they do, as my DH and I know), etc.
It’s up to them if they want to be co-located. The Navy policy is “it tries if desired.” If the couple says, “no, we’re good, each of us wants x role as part of career progression, we’ll figure out our marriage, thanks, if we are doing the geo-bachelor thing,” the Navy is fine with that.
He’s currently in command of Naval Special Warfare Command, which has no entanglement with the USNA chain of command, so no issues there. I immediately assumed he would continue his normal tour there (command!), and either go to another flag tour at same rank, be nominated for a third star himself or retire - the typical choices at that level regardless of who you are married to. At that level, flag detailing works very differently. The selection rate from 1 to 2 stars is roughly 50%, even more rarified after that. It all depends on needs of the Navy. In any given flag tour, you never know if you are retiring or being offered another role at same rank or a promotion. A senior flag calls you one day, as you are maybe 6-8 months out from an expected end of tour and says, “Joe, you’ve done a great job for the Navy as X, and we appreciate that. We are thinking you should plan your change of command and retirement ceremony for October of this year. Does that timing work okay for you and Sally?” Of course, you can request to retire and be placed on the list of retired officers at any time. As all commissioned officers with Regular commissions do, they serve at the pleasure of SECNAV. Usually those requests are granted.
I suspect if we were to lay the Admirals Davids’ career paths side-by-side, given they are in different warfare communities, and have clearly been assigned to pack-plus roles as they advanced, including flag-maker roles at the O-6 level, they may well be old hands at taking tours apart. It’s up to them.
We are long past the days when the spouse of a senior officer was expected to be a nonstop unpaid social hostess for the command spouses. No one deploys from USNA, it’s schoolhouse duty, definitely not a Fleet-paced shore command with a direct operational support mission. Busy, yes, high visibility, yes, important, yes. His presence in the military spouse role will not be critical.
She will be very busy getting to know her new role. He is busy, by definition, in his current command role. Retirement after being Supe is the norm, usually at the 3-year point, though some have stayed longer. Her husband had his incoming COC in August 2022, so he likely has at least another year to go in command. My DH had 4 operational commands when we were married and both AD, and I never asked him to leave early (Command! Something you work for and treasure.). We had several tours apart, which was something we were fine with. As I noted above, he might be offered a flag billet on OPNAV staff or at a further remove, Joint Staff, completely out of the Navy sphere. He could be told or request to retire. He could be nominated for a 3-star role himself.
No nepotism or ethics issues at all. The Navy has decades of experience ensuring married couples don’t get tangled in the same chain of command.
The only assumption I make about all of this is he will be calling her ma’am and saluting her.
If she retires as a 3-star from this role, even if he makes 3-star himself, she will forever be more senior, because she got there first.
As another insight into the world of FOGO (flag officer general officer), if she messes up somehow and gets fired (highly doubtful, given her sterling reputation), it’s up to the Congress at what flag rank they allow her to retire at. I think one star is the “default” permanent rank.
At this point, no assumptions can be made. They both have important jobs to do. Their marriage is theirs to conduct as they wish.
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