Parents...

A1Janitor said:
LMAO

My son is not an idiot. Why would he ask me something that I have no knowledge about? He would just tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about after I responded.

If he asked me a military question I would tell him to ask the person immediately above him in his chain of command.

The point is ... parents can always be a source of direction, inspiration - etc - even after they become adults.
Click to expand...
Fathers have knowledge?!?!?!? My kids would beg to differ 99.99% of the time....unless they need/want something...
 
So, there are a myriad of opinions on this issue and mine is only one. So I'll provide some clarification that may help. If some folks still don't think this works for them, then don't follow it.

1. I am NOT a physician.

2. I am NOT a parent.

3. Without any subterfuge in the least, the first paragraph below is designed to be motivational for applicants and provide some Jersey Barriers around the issue of the WHO regarding an applicant's application.

4. At NOT time did I ever say parents should not be involved. The point is, when in direct communication with anyone involved in an applicant's application, the LEAD should be taken by the applicant.

5. Parents are specifically called out as having "...sage advice and counsel…in the background…say again, IN THE BACKGROUND. " AND " Your wisdom will be deeply appreciated by your son or daughter, but the “action” part of this exercise is best for all, when the applicant takes direct ownership of THEIR process, with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc."

a. In other words, this IS a "FAMILY" endeavor and journey. NO dispute.

b. All that is being stated are the actions...not that "some" applicants don't have a requirement to drive to and/or attend the exams or to have parental authorizations for some things...clearly they do.

c. The issue being conveyed is that all communications with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc., should emanate from ..."the applicant." Of course, most 17 and 18 year old applicants may not know their medical history. They complete their medical history on-line, in the comfort/security of their own home/apartment/shelter device. Parents certainly can participate, if that's what that family model is (as stated many times...there are different type applicants, and families.

d. Most young folks today, have never had the experience of an interview for anything. Parents counsel can prove invaluable input in this and many other areas. Practicing interview techniques; the physical set up, etc. BUT, as you all know, the interview, will ONLY be with the applicant.

e. But, the direct contacts...should be made by the applicant. All of us involved in this process and know it's a government process with all the inherent bureaucratic mile posts. Phone calls don't always work for the student, emails can be sent at anytime.

6. Thank you for this opportunity.

To assist in clarity, I've altered the colors below for emphasis.

APPLICANTS ONLY (If your parents read this part, you’ll know why I wrote it this wayJ) – This is YOUR future, YOUR application, and it needs to be YOUR decision. Parents are very useful in providing YOU sage advice and counsel…in the background…say again, IN THE BACKGROUND. YOU should take all actions regarding YOUR application. If YOU are offered an appointment to one/more Service Academy and/or are awarded a scholarship to an ROTC Program(s), guess what? Your parents do NOT get to attend with YOUJ While the Service Academies and ROTC programs have bunk beds---those are for your roommates, not your parents! Therefore, this process begins that transition of YOUR independence. Again, they can assist YOU, but YOU should be the lead on all application actions. They should be like the military guidon bearer --- YOU are the Commander and they should be one step to the right and one step behind YOU. They can discuss anything and everything with YOU, just not DODMERB. Go easy on them. This will NOT be an easy thing for them to do…to start to let goJ

PARENTS: While I’ve emphasized the above to a fault, I can only share with you my vast experience in this area. Your wisdom will be deeply appreciated by your son or daughter, but the “action” part of this exercise is best for all, when the applicant takes direct ownership of THEIR process, with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc.J
 
MullenLE said:
So, there are a myriad of opinions on this issue and mine is only one. So I'll provide some clarification that may help. If some folks still don't think this works for them, then don't follow it.

1. I am NOT a physician.

2. I am NOT a parent.

3. Without any subterfuge in the least, the first paragraph below is designed to be motivational for applicants and provide some Jersey Barriers around the issue of the WHO regarding an applicant's application.

4. At NOT time did I ever say parents should not be involved. The point is, when in direct communication with anyone involved in an applicant's application, the LEAD should be taken by the applicant.

5. Parents are specifically called out as having "...sage advice and counsel…in the background…say again, IN THE BACKGROUND. " AND " Your wisdom will be deeply appreciated by your son or daughter, but the “action” part of this exercise is best for all, when the applicant takes direct ownership of THEIR process, with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc."

a. In other words, this IS a "FAMILY" endeavor and journey. NO dispute.

b. All that is being stated are the actions...not that "some" applicants don't have a requirement to drive to and/or attend the exams or to have parental authorizations for some things...clearly they do.

c. The issue being conveyed is that all communications with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc., should emanate from ..."the applicant." Of course, most 17 and 18 year old applicants may not know their medical history. They complete their medical history on-line, in the comfort/security of their own home/apartment/shelter device. Parents certainly can participate, if that's what that family model is (as stated many times...there are different type applicants, and families.

d. Most young folks today, have never had the experience of an interview for anything. Parents counsel can prove invaluable input in this and many other areas. Practicing interview techniques; the physical set up, etc. BUT, as you all know, the interview, will ONLY be with the applicant.

e. But, the direct contacts...should be made by the applicant. All of us involved in this process and know it's a government process with all the inherent bureaucratic mile posts. Phone calls don't always work for the student, emails can be sent at anytime.

6. Thank you for this opportunity.

To assist in clarity, I've altered the colors below for emphasis.

APPLICANTS ONLY (If your parents read this part, you’ll know why I wrote it this wayJ) – This is YOUR future, YOUR application, and it needs to be YOUR decision. Parents are very useful in providing YOU sage advice and counsel…in the background…say again, IN THE BACKGROUND. YOU should take all actions regarding YOUR application. If YOU are offered an appointment to one/more Service Academy and/or are awarded a scholarship to an ROTC Program(s), guess what? Your parents do NOT get to attend with YOUJ While the Service Academies and ROTC programs have bunk beds---those are for your roommates, not your parents! Therefore, this process begins that transition of YOUR independence. Again, they can assist YOU, but YOU should be the lead on all application actions. They should be like the military guidon bearer --- YOU are the Commander and they should be one step to the right and one step behind YOU. They can discuss anything and everything with YOU, just not DODMERB. Go easy on them. This will NOT be an easy thing for them to do…to start to let goJ

PARENTS: While I’ve emphasized the above to a fault, I can only share with you my vast experience in this area. Your wisdom will be deeply appreciated by your son or daughter, but the “action” part of this exercise is best for all, when the applicant takes direct ownership of THEIR process, with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc.J
Click to expand...

I don’t think anyone disagrees with this.
 
Personally I think part of this discussion, or the debate about “parental involvement” is amplified by the fact that most forum members seem to be adults/parents. Seeking info about a process that’s completely new. To assist their son/daughter in THEIR process. So the questions asked and info sought here are heavy on the ‘parent side’. Inquiring of info is not the same as completing their applications, but maybe I come off as a parent who did that based upon my info seeking here.

That could not be further from the truth in all actuality. At all.

My point is that our presence here doesn’t translate into actions (necessarily) regarding applications. I just think it’s skewed heavily to look that way based upon the nature of this AMAZING forum (or any forum for that matter): a place to ask questions and seek guidance of others. Anonymously. Unlimited.

I personally also enjoy the social side and discussions unrelated to applying #Bacon.
 
OP Tyman tossed some 'bacon' into the frying pan, so...

You never forget how to ride a bike is an old saw with more than a dash of truth.

Been there with siblings, children and grandkids. Child on bike, sans training wheels, hand firmly steadying bike while gently giving instructions on how to ride a bike. The fledgling looks down to note hand on the bike - his/her bike - sometimes with nervous chatter uttering demands to not let go, others a little insulted that there was a hand on the bike.

The unsteady combination of cold metal, muscle and bone trundles forward. Foot to pedal creating torque, rims spinning with gyro effect I jog alongside intently feeling for the moment that the child-bike tugs: my moment to let go.

Some square the shoulders pedal away not looking back. Some call out for affirmation to continue. All relish the moment, the power, the achievement.

I too relish the experience. Freedom sings her song and the child sings along.
Listening to the duet I store away this precious memory, knowing something was learned that will never be forgotten. Maybe later the rider too, will recall the moment with another child anxious to launch.

Good riding Tyman and all your tribe....
 
When my oldest DS commissioned, we struggled for a gift idea. I decided on a "Cavalry" wool blanket from Woolrich - his first unit was going to be 1st Cav. He was (somewhat) appreciative, but probably would have preferred the cash.

Fast forward to his return from Afghanistan in 2014..."Hey thanks, AF was friggin' really cold, that blanket probably kept me alive! Really love that thing."

Ha, not so dumb after all! I continue to relish every single one of these small victories in fatherhood.
 
Korab said:
When I was a teenager my father was the dumbest human being on the face of the planet. Strange thing, though - the older I get, the smarter he gets. Now, there is no one's advice I value more.
Click to expand...
I still remember the day at my parents dining room table when my Dad was talking and I had an epiphany “Oh my gosh, my Dad is not an idiot!” I was a senior in college.
 
justdoit19 said:
Seeking info about a process that’s completely new. To assist their son/daughter in THEIR process.
Click to expand...
Exactly. A few minutes a day here since the day we discovered SAF right before NASS have helped my husband and I understand what elements from our 100% civilian worlds are applicable, and what does not cross over. We filter for DS and share posts that absolutely helped (like, "print and read your essays prior to each NOM interview so you don't get them mixed up) and posts that made him laugh "Don't hit on your NASS squad leader".
 
THmom said:
Agreed. Honestly, even if my kid does not get an appointment (from one of three he applied to) or AROTC scholarship, I am GRATEFUL for all that he's learned about himself, interviewing, communicating, writing, being complete, not procrastinating..... YES, teachable moments, indeed, on a path that he chose and that will serve him well, regardless where he ends up.
Click to expand...
Agree 100%! Even if DD ends up without an appointment, the entire application process has taught her more “adulting” in 18 months than most people get over years. Waaay back in the day, I wasn’t half as mature or capable at 22 as she is as a high school senior. The teachable moments have been amazing during this process. But the complexity definitely requires some parental guidance.
 
Dckc88 said:
I did prompt, remind, suggest, be the one who got the right information, and sometimes even nagged or directed for their own good, I did not do it for them. I did not send emails, or write essays or call coaches or ROOs, but I definitely helped look up info or looked up a phone number or two
Click to expand...

That's where I'm at with the process as well. We live just 90 mins north of USAFA and at a "come see the academy" weekend, the admissions team there specifically said that parents needed to help their teens with the process. Obviously writing essays and such isn't okay, but the level of organization that we adults might find easy can seem daunting to a 17 or 18 y/o so help with a calendar, remind them of dates, assist with the basics of how to craft a professional email, make sure you cover the cost of submitted SAT or ACT scores, and so on.

I appreciated that the good folks at USAFA suggested the best ways to help because it helped set expectations and boundaries!
 
Every so often there is a thread that appears about parent involvement in the application process, I have to say that this one has been a lot more civil then some in the past. I remember some threads that I swear became a contest on how independent their son or daughter were, got to a point where you'd think some of these kids raised themselves with no parental involvement at all, I'm not kidding.

One thing I always found amusing are the posts from applicants that bragged, in a big way, that they did this all on their own and those that don't somehow don't have what it takes to be in the military, again I'm not kidding. When you looked at the posting history of those that made these comments you'd find that they had a couple hundred posts where they asked almost every conceivable question under the sun, from how do I write my name on the application, to could you please review my essay.

These applications are new to them, unlike anything they have done before. They will always need some help and advice, the SA's have people designated to do just that for their applicants, ROTC leaves them on their own to find the answers. While I agree that nobody should do the work for them, there are always places in the process where guidance is needed. Some are lucky to have a family member that has knowledge of the military process while others seek outside help from places like this board. I think it's safe to say that nobody does it completely on their own.
 
I think I drove my kid to one SA interview.

If they asked for help on SA or ROTC applications I'm sure we helped them out.

As parents we did require they play an organized sport starting in high school, take leadership positions in sports/clubs to help their chances in obtaining a ROTC scholarship/SA appointment to cover college costs.
 
Personally, and this is just a personal insight......We as parents LOVE our children unconditionally, and ALWAYS want the best for them and for them to be successful. If we (who have usually gone through similar circumstances) can offer help or insight to our children (even after they are on their own and have their own families) can give tips, or relate experiences and give guidance that is a good thing. I just happen to be one of those who think that once they "leave the nest", that they should try and handle routine situations and sometimes non-routine situations, on their own, that is how one learns. Sometimes the "learning" is harsh and they fail, have any of us never failed, but we learned, perservered, and thrived, and they will do the same given the guidance and space to do so. My wife and I are there all our children, and hope to be able provide advice that at least mitigates mistakes along the road of life, but neither of us "inject" ourselves into the daily life of our children. Our advice can definitely help them, but it has to be their choice to either ask or take the advice, once they turn 18 many times we cannot speak for them or solve problems for them, we can help them in the background, but they have to learn how to solve the problems of daily life as they progress.
 
We have a "blended" family...every child is uniquely different and thus, each one has required significantly different parenting to reach their potential. As parents, our expectations have differed for each of our children based upon their personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and (most importantly) their potential. What works for one, would not work for the other, etc. Because of this, some have required more input with the college/SA process and some have needed very little, if any. Same for school, sports, work, etc. Just about everything about them all has required a different approach by both me and my DW. We've let them fail (on purpose and sometimes just because we were too busy or miscalculated their ability to handle something), but MOSTLY we've tried like HELL to coach them to put them in the best position to succeed. I would personally feel like I had failed my child if I wasn't there to provide guidance, assistance, and whatever else might be necessary to help them follow their dream and reach their potential. Same as I do with my employees and the hundreds of boy's that I've coached through the years.
 
TexasAggie204 said:
We have a "blended" family...every child is uniquely different and thus, each one has required significantly different parenting to reach their potential. As parents, our expectations have differed for each of our children based upon their personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and (most importantly) their potential. What works for one, would not work for the other, etc. Because of this, some have required more input with the college/SA process and some have needed very little, if any. Same for school, sports, work, etc. Just about everything about them all has required a different approach by both me and my DW. We've let them fail (on purpose and sometimes just because we were too busy or miscalculated their ability to handle something), but MOSTLY we've tried like HELL to coach them to put them in the best position to succeed. I would personally feel like I had failed my child if I wasn't there to provide guidance, assistance, and whatever else might be necessary to help them follow their dream and reach their potential. Same as I do with my employees and the hundreds of boy's that I've coached through the years.
Click to expand...

Exactly - I'm expected to provide that leadership and experience to my team (and their teams) at work so why wouldn't I provide that same guidance and care to family members?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top