truenorth
Member
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2015
- Messages
- 139
Hi everyone. I am looking for advice on how to address a concern we have for our 3/C DS. He is on a national scholarship and entering his second year of college, majoring in engineering. To be specific, I am wondering if it is OK for me to have a private call with his unit commander and ask them to look out for him. Some background....
From what I have been able to piece together, he had a terrible roommate situation coupled with falling in with some lads who didn’t necessarily bring out the best in him. Lots of drinking, etc. Adding fuel to the fire was a freshman year romance that is still in play. We have met her, she is nice and all, but she brings drama to his life that he doesn’t need and he lacks the maturity (his parents’ opinion, admittedly) to keep all aspects of his life in balance. His preoccupation with his girlfriend bleeds into everything he does and thinks about. It led to a not-so-stellar academic performance….our honor roll high school student struggled for C’s and barely kept his scholarship intact for another year.
As time has gone on, he vacillates between being withdrawn and moody and being the bright, happy kid we are used to seeing. Some of this is the daily separation from the girlfriend during the summer, though they have managed to find wknds together. His drinking with friends continued this summer - typical teenage bs. I know I am dealing with an almost 19-year-old kid and college sophomore, and a lot of this is par for the course, but there is a hint of sadness to him that I cannot shake. I have told him I am concerned for him, we have talked about depression, and he has promised me he will come to us if he can’t handle things on his own. Yet, part of me wants to quietly find a way to nudge him into a support network at school. I can see the eye-rolling if I suggest talking to a counselor or chaplain at school. (He no longer goes to church, but that is another topic.)
We did have a long talk with him a few weeks ago, and helped him map out goals for the major areas of his life. They are his goals, not ours, and he seemed engaged about it. He knows he has a very tough year ahead of him academically.
He does seem to love his NROTC life genuinely. His fit-rep report was impressive, but a notation from the counselor encouraged him to get more involved in the life of the Unit. I remember the Unit Commander meeting with freshman parents last year, inviting us to call any time, yet I hesitate to do so as I don’t want to create issues for our DS or get him labeled inadvertently. On the other hand, if I were the Unit Commander, I presume I would want to know if I had a kid that needs some support. Nothing intrusive, but just some extra effort to pull him into the life of the Unit, give him a sense of belonging, etc.
I have a feeling that if the Unit extends an arm out to him, more than they already do, and just make an effort to look out for him, this may be the support network he needs as he learns to navigate the shoals of his love life and academics.
For you “veterans” out there who may have gone through something similar, would the Unit welcome a call from a parent in this context, would they respect our request for confidentiality? Or could a call from us inadvertently mushroom into something we wouldn’t want? We are definitely not “helo” parents, but I will admit we are very concerned and we are trying to strike the right balance between love for our DS and respecting his privacy.
Parenting is tough, no matter how old they get. Sorry for the long post, but those of you who may have been through this hopefully understand.
From what I have been able to piece together, he had a terrible roommate situation coupled with falling in with some lads who didn’t necessarily bring out the best in him. Lots of drinking, etc. Adding fuel to the fire was a freshman year romance that is still in play. We have met her, she is nice and all, but she brings drama to his life that he doesn’t need and he lacks the maturity (his parents’ opinion, admittedly) to keep all aspects of his life in balance. His preoccupation with his girlfriend bleeds into everything he does and thinks about. It led to a not-so-stellar academic performance….our honor roll high school student struggled for C’s and barely kept his scholarship intact for another year.
As time has gone on, he vacillates between being withdrawn and moody and being the bright, happy kid we are used to seeing. Some of this is the daily separation from the girlfriend during the summer, though they have managed to find wknds together. His drinking with friends continued this summer - typical teenage bs. I know I am dealing with an almost 19-year-old kid and college sophomore, and a lot of this is par for the course, but there is a hint of sadness to him that I cannot shake. I have told him I am concerned for him, we have talked about depression, and he has promised me he will come to us if he can’t handle things on his own. Yet, part of me wants to quietly find a way to nudge him into a support network at school. I can see the eye-rolling if I suggest talking to a counselor or chaplain at school. (He no longer goes to church, but that is another topic.)
We did have a long talk with him a few weeks ago, and helped him map out goals for the major areas of his life. They are his goals, not ours, and he seemed engaged about it. He knows he has a very tough year ahead of him academically.
He does seem to love his NROTC life genuinely. His fit-rep report was impressive, but a notation from the counselor encouraged him to get more involved in the life of the Unit. I remember the Unit Commander meeting with freshman parents last year, inviting us to call any time, yet I hesitate to do so as I don’t want to create issues for our DS or get him labeled inadvertently. On the other hand, if I were the Unit Commander, I presume I would want to know if I had a kid that needs some support. Nothing intrusive, but just some extra effort to pull him into the life of the Unit, give him a sense of belonging, etc.
I have a feeling that if the Unit extends an arm out to him, more than they already do, and just make an effort to look out for him, this may be the support network he needs as he learns to navigate the shoals of his love life and academics.
For you “veterans” out there who may have gone through something similar, would the Unit welcome a call from a parent in this context, would they respect our request for confidentiality? Or could a call from us inadvertently mushroom into something we wouldn’t want? We are definitely not “helo” parents, but I will admit we are very concerned and we are trying to strike the right balance between love for our DS and respecting his privacy.
Parenting is tough, no matter how old they get. Sorry for the long post, but those of you who may have been through this hopefully understand.